Waiting on the Indifference Stage

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2008
Waiting on the Indifference Stage
23
Wed, 08-12-2009 - 4:17pm

I had a major trigger this weekend. The feelings I had took me back to that awful day when the XOW told me that she was sleeping with my DH. We had a visitor from the foreign country where my DH had the A. It was a lot of people at our house speaking their native language. I honestly started panicking and had to walk out on our deck to catch my breath. All of those terrible feelings flooded over me like a firestorm. It has been 13 month since D-Day and my DH and I were doing so well but this weekend was a major hurdle for us. I threatened to go see a D attorney because I said that I cannot take it. I really felt like I was having a panic attack. It was so scary.


Now I wonder if I will ever get past his A. I don't want to live the rest of my life having these major attacks. On a positive note, I don't verbally abuse my DH anymore but I did tell him the next time he wants to play Russian roulette with my life let me know.


For those of you who have been rebuilding is it normal to still have this kinds of anxiety. I wonder how long I will have them. I still think about the A every

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2009
Tue, 09-01-2009 - 5:49pm

HI,


I just posted an update today and asked HOW?

T.J.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2009
Mon, 08-31-2009 - 2:14pm
caffeine_free that is evil genius.

"If something cannot go on forever, it will stop."  Herb Stein

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2008
Mon, 08-31-2009 - 1:22pm

I am sorry that your DH still doesn't get it. I mean after the pain he caused you he should be walking on water to make you feel confident that there are no more secrets - period. I think you should use the 180 on him. Sometimes cheaters can become narcisistic but throwing them back into reality and letting them know that you are not going to tolerate their crap usually puts them back into reality. My DH knows that he is out of my like faster than a New York minute if he EVER hides ANYTHING from me again. I do have to admit that I don't snoop anymore because he is so open and honest with everything now.


Have you tried disappearing for a weekend and not letting him know where you are. I did that. I flew to New York and spent a wonderful night in a hotel, pampered myself, drank a

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2009
Mon, 08-31-2009 - 1:10pm

"i am trying to get to the 'i don't give a dam* stage' - think it will ever happen??????"


Yes, I think

"If something cannot go on forever, it will stop."  Herb Stein

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2009
Tue, 08-25-2009 - 7:37pm

When I found out about the A, I started having panic attacks, to the point of shaking and gasping for air.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2006
Tue, 08-25-2009 - 12:14am

well you have heard of dumb, dumber and dumbest .................. i am dumerest! ha ha

my h knows everything there is to know about computers and i know nothing.

he has his own computer and ever since i broke into his email on MY computer he has taken great lengths to 'protect' himself. has more shi* loaded on his, i am assuming to 'hide' , and there i sit looking at it not knowing where in the hell to begin. so i just stopped trying. i am pretty confident that he has a new email address, he had 2 already that i knew of but now i am quite confident that he has a third.

on his hotmail account there is this 'home' you can click on and often times there are 'private messages' or 'invitations' listed. when i click on them they are always from women with these ridiculous come on lines. not quite sure what those 2 spots mean, or why they do not come in on his regular 'new mail' but as i said i am pretty ignorant when it comes to computers.

i am trying to get to the 'i don't give a dam* stage' - think it will ever happen??????

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2008
Mon, 08-24-2009 - 4:41pm

Thanks Cyber friend. I really am in a good place. My DH and I are really enjoying each other and I am amazed at how great we have become together. I am no longer a raving lunatic and we are rebuilding a better stronger M. You know I couldn't be CL for the Both Sides board. They would kick me off on the first day I posted. My opinion of women who sleep with MM is still not high. I just don't believe there is ever an excuse to pretend that a person's W doesn't exist and sleep with someone else's H.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2009
Thu, 08-20-2009 - 5:01pm

You are so strong.

.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2009
Thu, 08-20-2009 - 4:54pm

Oh that is so fine. I think you are suffering still a little more than I am . Have a wonderful, super, fantastic, time!

.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2008
Wed, 08-19-2009 - 8:46pm
Thanks Georgianna I also enjoy your posts. You are right our situations are very similar. Can you believe I am on an exotic island on vacation having the most romantic time with hubby but tonight I had to come to the board. I really think these boards have become an addiction for me. LAB board has gotten to be a little bit too much for me. I just hate it when ppl justify their A.

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