Waiting on the Indifference Stage

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2008
Waiting on the Indifference Stage
23
Wed, 08-12-2009 - 4:17pm

I had a major trigger this weekend. The feelings I had took me back to that awful day when the XOW told me that she was sleeping with my DH. We had a visitor from the foreign country where my DH had the A. It was a lot of people at our house speaking their native language. I honestly started panicking and had to walk out on our deck to catch my breath. All of those terrible feelings flooded over me like a firestorm. It has been 13 month since D-Day and my DH and I were doing so well but this weekend was a major hurdle for us. I threatened to go see a D attorney because I said that I cannot take it. I really felt like I was having a panic attack. It was so scary.


Now I wonder if I will ever get past his A. I don't want to live the rest of my life having these major attacks. On a positive note, I don't verbally abuse my DH anymore but I did tell him the next time he wants to play Russian roulette with my life let me know.


For those of you who have been rebuilding is it normal to still have this kinds of anxiety. I wonder how long I will have them. I still think about the A every

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2008
Mon, 08-17-2009 - 11:48pm

Thanks for your kind words but I really do need him

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2009
Wed, 08-19-2009 - 7:25am

I think they all have a period of going back to who there once were just without the former ow or ows. I can recall this and becoming very angry at him. This went on for months. Then he, sort of got it, and since then it has

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2008
Wed, 08-19-2009 - 1:24pm

My H has that extreme type A personality too and it drives me nuts many times. He has learned to control his outbursts much more now because I do not put up with it anymore. But when he is driving.......oh my, do not get in his way!!


I WISH the affair just burned itself out. It was hot and heavy when I discovered dday#2 was happening. I read a month of texts between them before I confronted. I waited a month ( it killed me)

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2008
Wed, 08-19-2009 - 8:46pm
Thanks Georgianna I also enjoy your posts. You are right our situations are very similar. Can you believe I am on an exotic island on vacation having the most romantic time with hubby but tonight I had to come to the board. I really think these boards have become an addiction for me. LAB board has gotten to be a little bit too much for me. I just hate it when ppl justify their A.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2009
Thu, 08-20-2009 - 4:54pm

Oh that is so fine. I think you are suffering still a little more than I am . Have a wonderful, super, fantastic, time!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2009
Thu, 08-20-2009 - 5:01pm

You are so strong.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2008
Mon, 08-24-2009 - 4:41pm

Thanks Cyber friend. I really am in a good place. My DH and I are really enjoying each other and I am amazed at how great we have become together. I am no longer a raving lunatic and we are rebuilding a better stronger M. You know I couldn't be CL for the Both Sides board. They would kick me off on the first day I posted. My opinion of women who sleep with MM is still not high. I just don't believe there is ever an excuse to pretend that a person's W doesn't exist and sleep with someone else's H.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-05-2006
Tue, 08-25-2009 - 12:14am

well you have heard of dumb, dumber and dumbest .................. i am dumerest! ha ha

my h knows everything there is to know about computers and i know nothing.

he has his own computer and ever since i broke into his email on MY computer he has taken great lengths to 'protect' himself. has more shi* loaded on his, i am assuming to 'hide' , and there i sit looking at it not knowing where in the hell to begin. so i just stopped trying. i am pretty confident that he has a new email address, he had 2 already that i knew of but now i am quite confident that he has a third.

on his hotmail account there is this 'home' you can click on and often times there are 'private messages' or 'invitations' listed. when i click on them they are always from women with these ridiculous come on lines. not quite sure what those 2 spots mean, or why they do not come in on his regular 'new mail' but as i said i am pretty ignorant when it comes to computers.

i am trying to get to the 'i don't give a dam* stage' - think it will ever happen??????

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2009
Tue, 08-25-2009 - 7:37pm

When I found out about the A, I started having panic attacks, to the point of shaking and gasping for air.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2009
Mon, 08-31-2009 - 1:10pm

"i am trying to get to the 'i don't give a dam* stage' - think it will ever happen??????"


Yes, I think

"If something cannot go on forever, it will stop."  Herb Stein