Waiting on the Indifference Stage

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2008
Waiting on the Indifference Stage
23
Wed, 08-12-2009 - 4:17pm

I had a major trigger this weekend. The feelings I had took me back to that awful day when the XOW told me that she was sleeping with my DH. We had a visitor from the foreign country where my DH had the A. It was a lot of people at our house speaking their native language. I honestly started panicking and had to walk out on our deck to catch my breath. All of those terrible feelings flooded over me like a firestorm. It has been 13 month since D-Day and my DH and I were doing so well but this weekend was a major hurdle for us. I threatened to go see a D attorney because I said that I cannot take it. I really felt like I was having a panic attack. It was so scary.


Now I wonder if I will ever get past his A. I don't want to live the rest of my life having these major attacks. On a positive note, I don't verbally abuse my DH anymore but I did tell him the next time he wants to play Russian roulette with my life let me know.


For those of you who have been rebuilding is it normal to still have this kinds of anxiety. I wonder how long I will have them. I still think about the A every

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2008
Mon, 08-31-2009 - 1:22pm

I am sorry that your DH still doesn't get it. I mean after the pain he caused you he should be walking on water to make you feel confident that there are no more secrets - period. I think you should use the 180 on him. Sometimes cheaters can become narcisistic but throwing them back into reality and letting them know that you are not going to tolerate their crap usually puts them back into reality. My DH knows that he is out of my like faster than a New York minute if he EVER hides ANYTHING from me again. I do have to admit that I don't snoop anymore because he is so open and honest with everything now.


Have you tried disappearing for a weekend and not letting him know where you are. I did that. I flew to New York and spent a wonderful night in a hotel, pampered myself, drank a

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2009
Mon, 08-31-2009 - 2:14pm
caffeine_free that is evil genius.

"If something cannot go on forever, it will stop."  Herb Stein

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2009
Tue, 09-01-2009 - 5:49pm

HI,


I just posted an update today and asked HOW?

T.J.

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