We are back

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2005
We are back
9
Tue, 04-04-2006 - 1:09pm
DH and I went away for the weekend w/o the kids. It was really strange. He didn't want to 'talk' about the A and I didn't either cuz he just gets angry and we spent too much for that. But we didn't really have anything to talk about and I never realized how critical he is of things. I guess I have always tried to make him happy and took it more as criticism of my judgement since I always reserve the rooms, plan the activities, etc. But we had a cabin that was really nice but he had a lot of problems w/ it, said he didn't feel safe, the Jacuzzi was too loud, there was no paved road leading to it so he made all these 'logger road' jokes every time we headed down it. He's always been this way but now I guess I just see it differently. We had some good times too I guess, but he is just not the 'romantic' type with me, I think he was with OW cuz she was a challenge and 'new'. And now he is back at work with her, it is the anniversary of my mother's death and he hasn't called once even tho he knew I was sad this morning so I'm having that 'back to square one' feeling.
I guess I'm rambling, I just feel ambivalent again and wish he would just pack his bags and leave. And I would make him if it weren't for the kids and the mortgage and all the other trappings... Funny, I never thought of all that as 'trappings' before. I just hate what this has done to me....
Thanks for listening....
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2004
In reply to: blewbelle
Tue, 04-04-2006 - 4:00pm

I feel your pain and am sending you big hugs. I so understand what you're going through.

Hang in there!
Jennifer

Jennifer

Proud Mom of Travis (15) and Mandi (10)

and our pets, Sully the Dog and Till

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-13-2005
In reply to: blewbelle
Tue, 04-04-2006 - 4:11pm

I'm sorry things turned out that way, blewbelle.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2005
In reply to: blewbelle
Wed, 04-05-2006 - 4:47pm

I understand what you mean completely when you say "I hate what this has done to me." I hate that I will carry this with me (one way or the other) for the rest of my life. I am trying very hard not to let the cruel actions of my STBX get the best of me. The last thing I want is for him to taint my future relationships and chances at finding "true" love (since he obviously wasn't it!).

Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that I understand what you are going through and I'm sending you hugs. Also, you have my condolences on the anniversary of your loss. Just remember your mother is watching over you and wants you to do whatever will make you happy.

hugs,
bbalm

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2005
In reply to: blewbelle
Wed, 04-05-2006 - 5:03pm
Thank you so much for your kind words! In a way I so wish she were here to help me thru this but in another I know she would have been very stressed and felt powerless as what to do to help me.
I hope you are doing well, I know your STBX is kinda a new thing for you... (at least him being a STBX and not a DH anymore, that is) Are you able to eat? I seem to have my appetite back but I still have my days (I am d-day + 1 month).. but I lost 13 lbs in three weeks...
Hugs!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-01-2005
In reply to: blewbelle
Thu, 04-06-2006 - 11:08am

You're right about your mother. I see so much pain in my mom's eyes when she is trying to comfort me. You can see the frustration because she feels so powerless to change the situation.

Thank you for your concern about me (it's amazing how we can all manage to be so concerned with the other folks on this board while we are in the midst of our own pain). I am doing much, thanks! I think I am coming out of my own version of "the fog." I am finally seeing my STBX for the controlling and manipulative person that I guess he always was (I just didn't want to see it). I am feeling a new sense of freedom that's exhilerating. In regards to this, my mother actually told me that at times, she feels bad for the OW and what she has gotten herself involved with... and then she comes out of her insanity and realizes that OW is getting exactly what she deserves (and it ain't good!).

In regards to eating, I thought I was doing better... really, I did. But when I weighed myself over the weekend I had lost 2 more lbs (for a total of 17 in 6 weeks). I don't get it. I guess that even though I'm eating more, it still isn't enough. I also still suffer from some nagging feelings of guilt when I eat a normal size meal. I'm working on it though and getting better every day... you will too!!!

hugs,
bbalm

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2004
In reply to: blewbelle
Thu, 04-06-2006 - 11:28am

Just interesting to read that I'm not the only one dropping the pounds. I don't know how much I have lost... it's been a little over a month.. and my pants are falling off. I haven't been able to eat much or had much of an appetite either. Also my sex drive is blah. I can't even have an orgasam....

 BabyFruit Ticker

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-23-2003
In reply to: blewbelle
Thu, 04-06-2006 - 5:03pm

I am facing a weekend alone with dh because ds is going to my mom and dads...I know h might be dreading it too since we always seem to spend time ds is gone fighting. He keeps asking what we're going to "do" and I have no idea. Then he gets a bright idea to go get his hair cut? He does that every few weeks or so...won't that be special? ???

I am sorry about your mom, your h should be more understanding. I think it's more they just don't know what to DO when you're hurting so they don't try. H grouched to me a while ago when I was having a bad day (on the 6 month d day anniv) "Oh, I suppose I have to remember that date too?!" I think I just stared at him. Yea, you're supposed to remember. Because I can't FORGET!!!

Trappings...interesting way to put it!

Hugs
wisc

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2005
In reply to: blewbelle
Thu, 04-06-2006 - 8:53pm

Well, I kinda felt bad about calling my kids 'trappings'. Actually they are not. They are my family and will be a big part of my future. But the mortgage, car payments, bills, etc .... yeah those are 'trappings'...

Off the main topic but, Did anyone see 'Old Christine' the other day? She was sitting there eating ice cream with her X, I thought that was quaint, asked DH if he would come over and eat ice cream with me if we get a D, and he said 'If you'll let me' with this sweet puppy-dog face... I don't know, that kinda seemed like a comfortable idea....

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-18-2003
In reply to: blewbelle
Fri, 04-07-2006 - 12:12am

Sorry, about your Mom, I know what you mean though,I see the hurt in my Mom's eyes and in her voice. she never hangs up the phone without saying"i love you baby" that's something she never did before.

I just want to throw an idea out there and see if any of you agree. Sometimes I think that maybe we or should I say I fantanize my dh affair to be more than it was. I sometimes think that he must of been real romatic with ow, you know wineing and dining her, hanging on her everyword. Worshipping her every more, her every word and than I think...maybe I'm making it out to be more in my mind than it really was. After all I know this man for 30 yrs and he has never been good at sharing his thoughts he has never been a real romantic kind of guy. And any woman who knowingly would settle for a few stolen hrs with someone else's husband, can't really have any self esteem so I'm thinking he was no casanova with her either. She was just willing to take what she could get, lonely desparate people don't require much...just the fact that someone no matter who they are wants them seems to be enough.

My point is maybe just maybe we(I ) have in my mind made him to be a better cheater than he really was..Does this make sense???Maybe when she spoke he used his classic "what do you mean" line on her too....

Just a thought...maybe we should go easier on ourselves, after all we know it wasn't us it was them, and they are who they are..come on casanova couldn't be hidding from us all this time. And ow will settle for any attention they can get, otherwise they wouldn't put up with being with someone, who returns home to there families after they get what they want from them....

What do you guys think..could I have something here?????

Juney