What about me?
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|Sun, 01-22-2006 - 10:22pm|
In July my world was destroyed by my husband. Everything I knew, understood and felt was changed, actually crushed into a state of nothing. He gave what I thought was our most private and intimate "thing" to someone else.
The up and down rollercoaster is more tiring and trying than ever imaginable. When someone who say "Oh so and so cheated on me," it was always "I'm sorry". Not any more, I unfortunately understand and wish that upon no one.
Anyway, ever since I found out, and made it through the first month, a part of me and I am just really seeing this in myself wants to know if I am still desirable by someone else. Could someone want me, other than my husband? How will he like it when guys are oogling over me? It seems so cruel, but self satisfying. Like, "Look dear, you could lose me. Some one could take me away if you are not careful."
Is this because I don't trust him? What am I trying to prove? Am I setting myself up for disaster on purpose? HELP
I love my husband, and I can not image in growing old without him. But a part of me so wants so other guy to try and sweep me away. What is wrong with me?
A movie I watched had a line in it, "People who are in love and hurt each other stay together because they forgive not forget."
Maybe I'm not ready to forgive.