When does the joy return? Or does it?

Avatar for firstglimpse
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Registered: 04-08-2003
When does the joy return? Or does it?
4
Sat, 05-06-2006 - 6:47pm

The love is still there. The caring is still there. The honeymoon comes in and out. But where is the joy? Where is the laughter? Is it going to be work here on out? Or will there be a time when we can sit back, relax and enjoy the fruits of our labor?

Physcially & emotionally drained.




"Only when we are sick of our sickness shall we cease to be sick."

~ Lao-Tzu, from The Tao Te Cheng
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Registered: 10-07-2004
Sun, 05-07-2006 - 4:30pm

SO and I went to counselling on Friday, and one thing the therapist said to us is "make time for fun in your life".
You and your H need to make time to do fun things together, like when you were first dating. Set aside specific time for it, make specific plans and do it.
You have to start building new happy memories because after a betrayal, a part of your relationship is gone forever.

Good luck.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2005
Mon, 05-08-2006 - 8:52am

Bonnie, great point. I feel like I am so focused on the work so I don't know Up tight I guess. That I can't truly relax and have FUN with my H any more. I have fun and I laugh all the time with my friends from work. We joke and just act silly for the He** of it. But then when I get home it is like I feel we should not have fun together. Like we always have to "work" on us or the bills or what ever it is that is going on. Like I am making up for lost time and working so hard to rebuild that I feel FUN can not be a part of it. My H said to me last night that he wishes I would lighten up a little. He feels as if I do not enjoy his company any more. He is right I don't enjoy it as much I used to because my guard is always up around him. I love him I want our marriage to work but I fear the fact that I don't trust who I will come home to. What mood might be there waiting for me that I forget how to be myself around him. To as he said lighten up..

I am taking a weekend away with him at the end of May. I am hoping being away from the house the kids and the pressure will help us connect. I can't afford to do this but I feel we need to try something..

Guess you and I again find ourselves in the same stage of this wonderful roller coaster of emotions. Hang in there..
Hugs Irene

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Avatar for firstglimpse
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Registered: 04-08-2003
Mon, 05-08-2006 - 3:26pm

....."I fear the fact that I don't trust who I will come home to. What mood might be there waiting for me that I forget how to be myself around him."......

OMG is that not the truth! Then the meds make it all the more unpredictable. We've had a bad weekend. Had to call the on-call therapist. H's therapist called to follow up today, which was nice since H has not gone to an appt since Feb & due to his absence his file was actually closed out. I had to pick up DS while H was on the phone with the IC, but when I spoke to the IC before H did he said he was going to try hard to get H in b/c it sounds like he's falling down again. This IC saw H while in acute mania so I feel like he understands a bit more of what is going on (it was his IC who told H when it was time to come home).

I guess we're behind on the recovery b/c we also have to work on their own personal recovery.

It's instinctual to have this heightened alert sense when there is danger. It is the 'fight or run' preperation. I think 'I forget how to be myself around him' is b/c we are almost always constantly in this state ... which is draining to ones soul.

I hope you're weekend goes well. I think it's time to go see my family early June, kinda trying to talk H into going with me. Not b/c I want him there, but I don't dare leave him home alone. That is always when 'bad' stuff always seems to happen.

I think I forgot how to play with him :-(

Bonnie




"Only when we are sick of our sickness shall we cease to be sick."

~ Lao-Tzu, from The Tao Te Cheng
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-26-2005
Tue, 05-09-2006 - 9:34am

Yes, the joy and laughter WILL return. It just takes time and work from both of you on your M. Keep a positive outlook and just keeping moving forward. It WILL get better. My H and I are almost a year into rebuilding. It's not been easy, but we are happy again. We laugh together, we spend time together as a family, and we find joy in the little things now like when our DD comes up and gives us lots of baby kisses.

Keep your chin up and stay strong. There's a light at the end of the tunnel, I promise. You just have to be willing to stay on for the ride to get there.

Pinkgirl