Where we find ourselves... today...

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2009
Where we find ourselves... today...
12
Sat, 11-14-2009 - 8:57pm

We've had an emotional time, lately.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2009
Sat, 11-14-2009 - 9:26pm

When I read the parts of your post where he goes into his assumptions and feelings about you it just seems to me that he is not accepting responsibility for WHAT HE did to you. It sounds to me lke he makes up this mish mash to justify bad feelings and bad behavior.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-16-2008
Sun, 11-15-2009 - 1:35am

I agree with georgiannasx
he is not even at the point where he has accepted responsibility for the horror he has put you through and continues to
he is not helping you heal
I do not see such a selfish person working on themselves for 3 months
I would assume he has other intentions if he is wanting NC with you
imho you need to focus on living without him - he is clearly not the man you thought he was (this knowledge can help you through the pain)
IC is great but you are not getting what you need from him, if you are counseling you could use a good couples counselor in my opinion
sadly he knows you are there
he knows you love him
you are a given to him - no challenge
if he knows you are strong enough to move on and dare I suggest you tell him if he needs NC for 3 months you might as well just end things right now (this 3 month nc is just another way to run away from the real work with you and his responsibilities)
I would be very worried that he just wants to mess around and is too selfish to be truthful and too selfish to let you go, wanting the ego boost of 2 or more women again - cakeeating
and his pick
what would this be like for you 3 months of uncertainty and no work on the marriage itself? I think it would be very hard on you, what about you?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-11-2009
Sun, 11-15-2009 - 2:42am
Has your H been in counseling before or seen a psychiatrist?
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-16-2008
Sun, 11-15-2009 - 1:10pm
Hi
neither of us went to counseling - though he would have
he said all the right things but did not do them
it was only after I asked him to leave that I saw any real changes in him
it took some time to get here but he is there for me now
he understands it does not go away
he does not discourage my feelings
he used to think only about himself and even brought up suicide (more selfishness)
he broke NC when my pain was too much for him to face and did the running away thing again
he is a different person now - I am starting to admire him again
of course I still have many issues and setbacks from all of this but I am content because he finally gets it
to go from where they begin to where they get it is quite a journey
it can happen
I hope this happens for you
sometimes from what i know and see here it only happens when it has to
meaning you have to get to the point where you are ready to live life with or without them
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2009
Sun, 11-15-2009 - 3:23pm

Hi everybody.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2009
Mon, 11-16-2009 - 8:06am

Hummmm........


When you talk aobut patterns we seem to have this pattern where my husband is a little 'overly enthusiastic' all the time.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2008
Mon, 11-16-2009 - 10:06pm

Ties, I’ve been thinking about your post for a few days now.



I

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2008
Wed, 11-18-2009 - 12:16am
All I can really say here is I think this 90-day thing will be good for YOU, no matter how it ends up.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2008
Sat, 11-21-2009 - 8:22pm

Are you ok, Ties?


iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2009
Mon, 11-23-2009 - 4:08pm

Hi everybody.

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