Why am I doing this today ???
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|Mon, 04-17-2006 - 3:52pm|
Lately I've noticed I've been dreaming about the OW. The dreams are becoming stronger and today I cannot get her out of my head. Do I fear H has been in contact with her? NO! Honestly, I think if she showed up on our doorstep he'd send her away & be angry with her for even trying to contact him.
Maybe it's an intuitional feeling. Maybe she's finally moved to OR. Maybe she's moved in with her XBF & his wife to be their nanny (as was planned until she & my H went into psychosis with each other attributed to acute bipolar mania). Maybe that is it as I keep having dreams running into her XBF (H friend), his W & HER. Which, I think, if it were just me or even just me & my H I'd fare just fine, but my dreams I'm always with my children. I don't want her to see my children. She's infertile & I know that was a HUGE part of her attraction to my H - instant kids. I have not even be able to update their websites since this all began. I don't want her visiting them and seeing them grow up. I guess I just need to get some new domains. Uggh.
Another thing that has been haunting me, especially today, is the only connection these two had in the past is basically our wedding day. We had met her about 14 years ago. H friend brought her to meet us at a bar. We were barely even in there before she ran out to her car and started cry. I went to console her & spent night talking with her in her car about her BF (H friend) and how he wasn't ready to get married yet & how she wanted to start a family. I could tell from that very first conversation how obsessive she could be.
Then 12 years ago H and I married. This was the 2nd and last time we met this OW. We had some friends/family travel quite far for our wedding and they would only be there for a few days. Our honeymoon was postponed for a week so we invited the travelers to our house. It turned into a party, but this friend brougth the OW with him. I barely remember her there.
Now, H needed to feel connected to this OW to help strengthen his bond for her & probably break the bond for me down. Well, the first time they met he barely even saw her as she was with me the whole time. So, how did they connect, our wedding day. Yip. How sick is that?
Today I'm really angry about this. Why? Why is it haunting me so bad today? Our anniversary was over a month ago. I cannot think of any anniversaries around this time. I just don't get it. I want it out of my head. I need to get some work done & it's not getting done.
Bleh, help !