Will it ever get better?
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|Thu, 01-26-2006 - 11:17am|
I would appreciate some insight from women who have rebuilt, or are in the process of doing so. I found out 3 months ago, and I would like to know if it ever gets better. I had stopped saying 'I love you' because I wasn't comfortable with it until I knew where we were going and because I was scared of an A happening again. This A devastated me and I knew I would be broken should it occur again. I then realized that I can't keep holding myself back from moving on, because we would have just a shell of a relationship, so I have gradually begun to say and do loving things like before. My problem is that I am still tentative to fully say 'I love you' and other things. I haven't used any of our nicknames, and they used to be so common in our everyday conversation.
I guess my question is that I would like some reassurance that every time I say 'I love you' I won't want to follow it with, 'please don't ever do this to me again.' I need to know that the A won't consume my every thought, and tarnish what's left of our relationship. The other twist is that we were planning on getting married, and had the A not happened, we would almost definetely be engaged right now. I put everything on hold while we are sorting things out, but I am fearful of this image that keeps coming to mind; of me reaching the altar, and thinking of the A. I don't want to be thinking 'I hope you won't hurt me again.' and I don't want to have any reservations. I don't know what to do. Any advice?