xOW contacted him

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2004
xOW contacted him
5
Tue, 01-19-2010 - 4:59pm

It's been a little over a year since D-Day.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-09-2010
Fri, 01-22-2010 - 7:13pm
I am so sorry to hear about your home as well. And the others are correct. This XOW is toxic and should not be conversing at all in anyway with your H. Hor 'concern' was not there for your family when she was having an A w/ your H. Hor call and 'offer' and the fact that she is indeed still 'circling' like a buzzard only mean that she hasn't moved on. The OW in my case is still circling and hanging around waiting for her 'next chance' with my H as well. She is still trying to contact his family members, calling sending cards etc. You have to STRESS to him that NC means none at all for any reason. She is certainly not a friend to your M or anyone in your home. Hang in there... You don't need to worry about her circling while you are already going through so much. Let him know absolutely NO CONTACT whatso ever for any reason!!!! And why! Some of them are thick as bricks and think 'OW is just tying to be nice!" Put an end to it asap....
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2008
Wed, 01-20-2010 - 1:41pm
I am so sorry about you loosing your home, but I ditto what the other posters have wrote about this XOW calling your DH. NC means NC - none! I respect that your DH told you she called but you have to get him to see that she is toxic and only cares about herself. She is not a friend and should never be heard from again. I'm sure he doesn't understand that but you have to drive it home with him. You have to get him to understand that every time you hear that they have spoken secretly you experience another D-Day. He has to let the XOW know that under no circumstances must she contact him again. Your M cannot survive as long as she is hanging on the outside like a buzzard ready to swoop down on its kill with your DH. As someone else wrote, she is a threat and an enemy to your M and the two of you must protect it at all costs keeping the buzzards away.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2009
Tue, 01-19-2010 - 9:31pm

Hi marredmomof2,


I don't think we disagree.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2009
Tue, 01-19-2010 - 8:28pm

Hey flygirl,


First of all, I'm sooo sorry about your house!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2010
Tue, 01-19-2010 - 8:10pm

I totally get how you'd be upset that she called and that they spoke. I would be too.


I don't think it's necessarily unrealistic that you expected him to be "thanks, we're ok, bye," but since I'm sure this wasn't the only "hey r u guys ok?" call he's gotten, he's probably got a spiel going of what he says to those who express concern, and he might have gotten caught up in that without even taking into account with whom he was having that conversation.


Hopefully, he'd be understanding if you expressed that you were upset that she called at all, as long as you expressed some understanding that even though there are countless ugly words we could use to describe her, she may, in fact, still be human enough to express concern for someone's well-being after a tragedy such as you've endured.


Definitely thank him for telling you about the conversation so that he continues to let you know about these instances in the future.


Wishing you much help in your rebuilding process. In all of your rebuilding processes!