It's been a little over a year since D-Day.
I don't think we disagree.
First of all, I'm sooo sorry about your house!
I totally get how you'd be upset that she called and that they spoke. I would be too.
I don't think it's necessarily unrealistic that you expected him to be "thanks, we're ok, bye," but since I'm sure this wasn't the only "hey r u guys ok?" call he's gotten, he's probably got a spiel going of what he says to those who express concern, and he might have gotten caught up in that without even taking into account with whom he was having that conversation.
Hopefully, he'd be understanding if you expressed that you were upset that she called at all, as long as you expressed some understanding that even though there are countless ugly words we could use to describe her, she may, in fact, still be human enough to express concern for someone's well-being after a tragedy such as you've endured.
Definitely thank him for telling you about the conversation so that he continues to let you know about these instances in the future.
Wishing you much help in your rebuilding process. In all of your rebuilding processes!