You never know what'll happen

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2009
You never know what'll happen
6
Tue, 03-30-2010 - 12:09pm

There are a lot of new nics here and I won't go into my whole history, but those who've been around a while know that I've been through the wringer.

"If something cannot go on forever, it will stop."  Herb Stein

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-23-2003
Wed, 03-31-2010 - 9:48am

Trust is earned and your W has taken the first really huge steps in doing that. She'll need to SUSTAIN the effort for you to continue to rebuild YOUR ability to trust her.


I did not successfully rebuild, am divorced and have been in a relationship for 5 years and I still have the occasional trust issue...and relationship guy didn't do anything wrong at all. So I believe there is a large component that is about the wayward spouse, however there is also work that the BS will have to do for themselves as well, IMHO.


Hugs,

Solazzo
Solazzo
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2008
Wed, 03-31-2010 - 5:00pm

I think most of us who are trying to rebuild agree with you.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-09-2010
Wed, 03-31-2010 - 10:58pm
I'm exhausted. It's been 6 months since R for me, in one month from today a year since D day. He's back, NC w/ hor since he's been home, he's trying, MC the whole thing, and still - I feel like I'm on overload and falling to pieces some days.... Triggers, crying, alway tired..... ugh - I wish you luck - I hope it all works, I too have gotten to delete classmates (where hor first tracked him down) and have all email, and phone records etc. But there are still triggers, still images, still 'things' I guess like H told me tonight it will just take more time! Good luck....
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-04-2009
Thu, 04-01-2010 - 9:49am

I haven't triggered a lot, and I'm not having a big problem with mental pictures.

"If something cannot go on forever, it will stop."  Herb Stein

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-11-2008
Thu, 04-01-2010 - 4:31pm

Hi TM


I don't blame you for actively thinking about your ability to trust again.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-28-2010
Fri, 04-02-2010 - 12:22pm

Well it's been 4 months for me since I found out. Finally identifying how I feel about it has been the best thing for me. He finally figured out that if he told me what happened, how it usually happened, how it fell apart when they were found out, how it ended, what he went through etc... yeah it was hard hearing it all, but it made me feel like he was open and I could trust him to tell me things in the future that hurt but still needed to be said.


I have hope now. My heart doesn't race when I think about it, I haven't gotten angry or cried in a few days....


We had our first counseling session this past week.


Bottom line, it sucks, but we have this whole new relationship now.... I've changed for sure, I put my foot down, say when I am unhappy.... which I never was able to do before. If he does something I don't like, I say it then....


So good can come, it just takes time. For me it was a light switch, and persistence about finding out what really bothers you helps. It made me feel insecure, sexually, physically, and why wasn't I good enough.


basically, it was a defect in his character. It was his mistake.


It felt like