07/07/2007

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2007
07/07/2007
16
Mon, 05-07-2007 - 11:11am


So, I felt like I was doing fine and all...actually emailing with other people...meeting other people, and enjoying life really well...having fun driving around in my convertible, going to my daughters ball games....

Then, in the paper this morning, they have a full page spread on how very popular the date 07/07/2007 is for weddings....that was supposed to be our day to get married too, in the back yard! I really enjoy my life right now but why is it that, even though I know we are not meant to be together, am I hurting so bad that we won't be getting married in the back yard on that day? It's like all I can think about is the fun times we had together, and not any of the bad times. I shouldn't let it bother me but it eats me up. She dumped me back in February and I know it's only May, but I want to move on in life. I want to think about all the wonderful people that are now in my life. Why does that stupid date bother me so much?

Rob

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
In reply to: robp_2181
Mon, 05-14-2007 - 5:25pm

Hi Rob,


The oddest things can trigger greif and all the feelings associated with it, including the dreaded "why?" even if there is no answer to the question.


Hopefully, this too shall pass SOON.




iVillage Member
Registered: 07-11-2006
In reply to: robp_2181
Mon, 05-14-2007 - 8:20pm
Rob, I feel for you. I am DREADING 6/16. The date of our first date, he took me to the zoo. Maybe we should find something special to do on these dates that don't involve romance, but the people that are still in our lives and still love us. Children, parents, siblings, friends..ect. After all it IS just another day, but that doesn't mean it has to be a bad one.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-21-2007
In reply to: robp_2181
Mon, 05-14-2007 - 10:58pm
weirdness... 6/16 is my exhusband's bday. i think if you're a sentimental person, or one with a very good memory, days, and places, and even clothes can carry around a lot of memories. i have a lot of associations like that. and i agree... the best thing is to make new memories to think of rather than the old ones.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-11-2006
In reply to: robp_2181
Mon, 05-14-2007 - 11:46pm
Shrinkingviolet, you are so right! I have a steel trap memory, and I'm VERY sentimental. I can associate almost every piece of clothing I own, knick-knack, stuffed animal, c.d and other "stuff" with someone. I always remember who buys these things for me, when they bought it, and what ocassion. I wish I weren't such a sentimental fool, but it can be a good quality sometimes.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2007
In reply to: robp_2181
Tue, 05-15-2007 - 10:24am

I am, kind-of, the same way. I cannot drive past a white mercury mountaineer without craning my neck to see if it is her.
Just about every single item I gave her in the relationship she either threw out or gave back to me.
When I was in Italy on vacation with my daughter, I bought her a beautiful picture of sunflowers in front of an Italian villa. When I got home, I had it custom framed with matts that matched her living room. It looked so terrific in her living room. Well, she gave it to her daughter to give back to me.

Most everyone I talk to tells me how I am an idiot for wanting someone back who was so not loving to me during the relationship. I am so happy that, now I am starting to see exactly how not love she was to me. I can think back to things she said to me that were not something that a person who loves you would EVER say to you.

I am starting to meet people who show me what it means to REALLY love someone. I met this couple and, boy, after seeing them together and talking with them, I see what love really is and I think back about my relationship and see it for what it really was. I was too much in love with HER to see that she really wasn't that much in love with me.

Oh well...by the time July rolls around, I probably won't even care about the day.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2007
In reply to: robp_2181
Tue, 05-15-2007 - 10:45am

Hi Rob,

I'm sorry you're going through this, but it does get better I promise. My divorce was just finalized this year and I was fine with it and enjoying my life, but then May 10th came (this would've been our 10 year anniversary), and it was one of the hardest days for me to get through. It will get easier, and you just need to realize that you deserve someone who truly loves you. I've learned a lot now that I'm back in the dating world. There are some wonderful people out there who will love and accept you for you and know you for the special person that you are.

Deb

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-08-2007
In reply to: robp_2181
Tue, 05-15-2007 - 12:37pm

Thanks Deb

I really appreciate the response.

It is really nice to know there are people out there who like you, the way you are.

Another problem I was having was, I was afraid to go out by myself ( all our friends were either hers or her family's ) So, I force myself to go out to dinner by myself, or to the mall. I even went golfing by myself. And I find that, I actually meet nice people out there while I am out alone. I met some really nice guys who invited me to continue golfing with them when I had caught up to their hole. Lots of nice people to help take my mind off of her and get back to myself and what I love.

Thanks again!

Rob

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2007
In reply to: robp_2181
Tue, 05-15-2007 - 1:16pm

I give you a lot of credit for being able to go out and do things like that by yourself. I'm a pretty shy person until you get to know me, so I have a hard time doing things by myself...you'd think since I'm 30, divorced with 2 small boys, I'd be a pro at getting out there and interacting with new people...but it's definitely harder than it looks! And it probably doesn't even need to be said that the dating scene is such a "game" these days and it seems to be very difficult to meet quality people...but I'm trying to keep a positive attitude about it and have faith that there is someone out there who is perfect for me and will love me for who I am!

If you're ever having a rough time and need a friend to talk to feel free to drop me a line!

Deb

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2006
In reply to: robp_2181
Sun, 05-20-2007 - 3:28am
Hello, I was left hanging in March supposed to be married in the fall. He suddenly decided I wasn't the one anymore. When our date comes I'm sure I will feel the same. I sit and think about the good times also. Sometimes there are those people who will be in our hearts forever no matter how hard we try to forget them. It's not about holding on to the past it's about realizing what we want and don't want for the future. We want the type of person we had only without the backing out part. We want happiness, love , joy, and fulfillment from the next person. What we don't want are the empty promises, lies, or just plain avoidance. Now, that I look back I saw some of the signs early on, but didn't want to believe them. No one wants to accept that the person they are in love with isn't feeling the same way. The only advice I can offer you is keep looking forward. The past is over and we can't change it, so there is no reason to look back. Learn from yesterday, live for today, and hope for tomorrow. I hope this helps.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2007
In reply to: robp_2181
Sun, 05-20-2007 - 9:01pm
i'm having a hard time getting over a relationship i know wasn't good for me.. but i still care for the guy, see him regularly (can't be helped)... i'm trying to stay busy, focusing on my kids and work, but any free moment, he invades my every thought. any advice? could use some practical help-

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