1 week later, and hes found someone else

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-2007
1 week later, and hes found someone else
5
Tue, 07-10-2007 - 11:29am
Hi everyone, sorry this might be a long one but please read, i really need advise and help...
I'd been going out with this guy for just over a year. About 5 months ago he broke up with me saying he didnt feel anything for me anymore and we didnt get along. I was devestated and confused but i tried to brush it off and got on with everything..what made it even harder is we work together and unfortunatly go out the same places. I got on with life and was out almost every night, then 2 weeks later we got back together..Yes i was very confused and his explaination was that he didnt know what he wanted and got scared. But we went on as normal and it was like we never broke up.
Thing is we never talked about how we felt in the relationship and he never expressed his emotions he just bottled them up and goes all quiet and distant then tells me its not working out for him.
Now about a week ago he broke up with me again..i thought it was just another one of those things just like before, i tried to do as i had done before but for some reason i couldn't, i was more upset than i thought. I called in sick at work because i couldn't face him. Then on saturday night i went out and saw him, but he wasnt alone, all night he was standing with this girl - who i had seen him talk to before when we were together - but near the end of the night i saw them kiss! If he hadnt hurt me before, he had now torn my heart out and stood on it, i couldnt help but cry.
I composed myself and confronted him, he said yes he was seeing her and he didnt want me anymore. He said it got to the point with us that he wouldnt be upset if i had broken up with him, and he doesnt love me. While we were talking she came over and wrapped her arm round him and kissed him, as if to rub it in my face. I just had to walk off and ended up going home.
The next day - i know i shouldnt of - but i text him and he had a go at me for "making a scene" infront of people, when all i did was pull him aside and talk to him.
Now im still convinced that we're going to get back together again, even though he is an idiot and he has some emotional problems and he blames me for it all..i cant help but love him. I dont know what to do with myself and i want to get him back but it doesnt look very hopefull. Everyone says that i can do better and hes an idiot but it isn't helping me move on or feel any better..Does anyone have any good advise or is in the same situation?
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Tue, 07-10-2007 - 1:02pm

Tigger1864,


Seriously, you could overlook the fact that he's already jumped into a new relationship if the two of you got back together?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2007
Tue, 07-10-2007 - 3:47pm

What a dog! Sorry, but I had to say it. First time he breaks up, maybe ok to give him a chance, but again, pleas don't even think about it. Just working on healing your heart and don't give this heartless person another chance. This is his problem and the fact that he has jumped into something so fast is evidence that he doesn't care if he causes you pain. He even shows her off in front of you! What a jerk! The funny thing is now is HER problem not yours. I know if doesn't seem like what you want to hear, but this guy sounds like poison. Your friends are right, you can do better. Why would you want to be stuck with someone who would tell you to your face he doesn't want you? He sounds really mean, how can he even tell you you made a scene! Don't call, text, anything. Don't give him power. The best revenge in this case is to move on with your life and make it as good as you can. I know how you feel, I am going through a really hard time as well with a breakup and it's hard to follow my own advice. Keep your chin up, you are not the one treating someone else like that and this makes you the better person.

Don't contact him. Every time you do and you tell him how you hurt him, he will throw it back at you and make it your problem.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2007
Tue, 07-10-2007 - 11:03pm

I don't know how you could think you love this man. He has hurt you and then flaunted someone in front of you just to hurt you. You need to stay away from him. I think you are just used to having him in your life and right now the thoughts of being without him or him with someone else are making you vulnerable.

Dont you think you need to move on? I know it is hard, but this man is treating you badly. I think you should make yourself available for a great guy. And when you do, don't go out to places the ex will be at. I would avoid him at all cost. I know the work situation can't be helped, but try to keep that contact to a minimum. No contact is my recommendation.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-2004
Wed, 07-11-2007 - 11:05am
You need to try and move on. Read the other posts, and especially yours, so you can read what you wrote. He's not the one for you. A man who cares, will not hurt you in that way. His behavior was cruel, and one day, he will see the big mistake he has made, and at that time, you will be able to throw how he treated you in his face. I know it's easier said then done, but you need to find a way, to let him go. If you get back together with him, I promise, it will be the same vicious cycle, and you can't even predict how he will treat you the next time. He knows he can do whatever, and you'll still be there. Someone told me, if you accept a man to mistreat you, and you take him back, your telling "him" it's ok, to mistreat you. Your making it easy for him to hurt you. Stop the madness and take ahold of yourself, and walk out with your head up.. One more thing, the new girlfriend, you should feel sorry for her. She's going to go thru the same crap as you did. He won't stop, until he experiences the pain, and realizes the mistakes he made. So, he has to grow up, before he can even learn to treat a woman right.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-2007
Thu, 07-12-2007 - 9:02am
Thanks for everyones advise :-) coming on here has really helped alot! But like a fool and like your not meant to do when you've broken up with someone, i met up for a chat with him..i suggested it..but for some reason it really helped. I came away feeling like i understood a bit more and it was nice and quite sad i guess that it has taken our break up for us to share our feelings. But he made me understand that we are not getting back together and the reasons why - he said there was nothing i did or said that caused us to break and i couldn't of prevented it. And this new girl hes seeing..apparently they have history, that kind of gave me hope that maybe they wont work out again and he'll come back to me. Im thinking that atleast i have a bit of hope to hold onto and to work at and by the time that day comes when he wants me back, that hope and love for him would have faded and i wont want him.
I know that its wrong for me to still like him but you cant just forget a years relationship, we've had alot of great times. I've probably made him out to be a really nasty person, but that was only the end of us that he was like that. The beginning and the middle he was so nice to me and i cant just forget that.
Whats more is hes family were so nice to me aswell, i wont just miss him, ill miss them too and to know that this new girl is going to replace me and shes going to have them being nice to her, i cant stand it!