1 week of NC!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2006
1 week of NC!
3
Tue, 12-19-2006 - 11:34pm

It's been 1 week of NC! I know it's not that long but it's the longest that we've gone without talking in 7 years.

Last week he was on vacation with his new gf and I felt like a basket case all week. It just drove me absolutely nuts to know that he was off enjoying himself in that "lovey dovey" state with another girl while I'm here feeling like I'm losing my mind. It upsets me because when him and I were first dating I went on a business trip with him for a week and we were absolutely inseparable afterwards. I just see him repeating a lot of the things that we used to do when we first together - I remember how perfect it felt and now he gets to experience it all over again but with someone else :(

Anyways.. after 1 week of not having any contact at all, he IMed me to ask me if I had received any of his mail because he hadn't gotten any recently. That was all! After 1 week of not having talked all he said was that.. not "how are you?" or anything. I was so irritated by it that I just ignored him and didn't write back. He messaged me again today but I wasn't home and I'm not going to write him back. NC is so hard but the longer that I go without it, the easier it becomes, I think. (it doesn't hurt either that I feel like I'm more in control of it because I'm ignoring it - sounds bad buts it's kind of like giving him a taste of his own medicine). I'm trying really hard to get over him and I want him to contact me so bad but when he does and he acts so cold towards me I think it just makes it worse. I feel like I get my hopes up because he wants to talk to me but then it feels like he's telling me all over again that he doesn't want to be with me. Anyways.. I don't know if maybe this a little bit extreme but I'm thinking of joining the Army Reserve - I think it would be good for me to get away from here for a short while and see that there's other things and other people out there besides him. It's a bit scary though because I'm still in school, have a job, an apartment, and a car so I'd have to leave it behind for a while but I think it might be a healthy 'break' for me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-24-2003
In reply to: autumn2684
Wed, 12-20-2006 - 11:56am

Good for you for sticking to no contact and good for you for ignoring his e-mails! I am on day 32 and there are days when it is hard but I think to the day where I am over my ex and I'm comforted by the fact that I stuck to my guns and kept my dignity in tact!

As far as joining the Army Reserves make sure it is for the right reasons because that is a HUGE, HUGE, HUGE, committment.

If you do decided to join then good for you and serving your country displays a lot of strength, honor, and character on your part.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2006
In reply to: autumn2684
Wed, 12-20-2006 - 12:43pm

Good for you for staying strong!! My situation sounds similar. I went on a business trip with my ex very early on in our relationship and things were just perfect. He also has a new GF and it makes me crazy to think about him being in that state of bliss. But like you said, it will change. The beginning is always the honeymoon. I know my ex will start to flip out as soon as she wants a commitment or wants to hang out with him more than he wants to hang out with her. You deserve better. Always hold onto that!

I also agree you should put alot into your decision to join the Reserve. It is a huge commitment. Maybe try taking some time away for yourself. I went out of the country for a week right after we stopped communicating and it really helped me. I still hate seeing things that remind me of him (places we went, restaurants, etc) but each day it gets easier.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2004
In reply to: autumn2684
Thu, 12-21-2006 - 8:24am

Stick to your guns and try not to contact him. It's very hard in the beginning and especially accepting the fact he is seeing someone else and having a great time. That is okay that he is with someone else because the day will come where that person see's who he really is. When the timing is right you will meet a great man who treats right. Just focus on you, doing things for yourself, and keeping busy with friends and family. Think again about committing to the Army Reserves because it is a huge committment to take on right now due to the recent breakup. The Army Reserves may not be the answer to what you are going through right now and it's not easy to get out once you are in. Take some time to think about it. Try getting away for the weekend, go out and do the things you enjoy, pamper yourself, and when you think about the ex, remind yourself on why you are not with him. I am not trying to be mean or insentitive with you, I think being in a relationship for 7 years is a long time and not getting married. Maybe he does not want to get married and if so, it's best that you not waste your time with him when you can be moving on, doing things for yourself, meeting new people, and a new boyfriend who has the same needs as you do. - I am sorry, I know it's hard and you probably don't want to hear this - I have been through it - it will be 6 months that I have not contacted my ex, he's tried contacting me many times wanting me back in which I have not returned the contact. Can't wait until January 1st so that I can say it's officially 6 months and I have done fine - I used to think what am I going to do if I don't have him, well I have done fine and I am very content with myself right now being single focusing on myself. As far as the mail, you can always write return-to-sender on it and let the ex take care of his address changes with his creditors and post office because if not, then he is always going to be contacting you about the mail - his mail is not responsibility, especially if you are not with him, you don't have to answer to him, only to yourself. I wish you well and keep us posted.

Anna