1 Year being Single but the dread is coming?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2010
1 Year being Single but the dread is coming?
15
Sat, 09-15-2012 - 11:25pm

Tomorrow marks the day last year that my ex boyfriend and I broke up and to me I am scared about tomorrow. Just reliving that day and thinking of what happend I know will hurt me. What should I do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2010
Sun, 09-16-2012 - 12:35pm

I get what you mean and trust me I have tried throughout the year going on dates, focusing on other things, etc. But since that breakup I have lost a lot of friends, before the breakup I lost my former best friend from high school, then after the breakup I lost some other high school friends who I thought those friends would be friends forever etc. But I lost them and then I continued to loose more people having mt neighbors'friends of the longest time move away. So it just kept getting worse and worse.

Then the dating scene got bad and all I got was rude and unneeded messages from guys or people picking on me and calling me harsh names etc. It sucked.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-04-2006
Sun, 09-16-2012 - 10:33pm
I guess I don't get how you can lose all of your friends at the exact same time. Did they all move away at once? Were they all people you knew only through your ex boyfriend?

How has the job search gone, have you found something yet?

Sitting around dwelling on your ex boyfriend is completely non-productive. It doesn't change anything and it does nothing positive for you. I know you've been hung up on this breakup for a year, but how much longer do you want this to ruin your life?

I know someone whose ex boyfriend broke up with her...in 1994. She's STILL moaning about it and refuses to put it behind her. She's been placed in mental institutions twice and is no longer able to hold a job because her refusal to move past this breakup that happened EIGHTEEN years ago has broken her mind. It's terribly sad. She never married, never had children and never had another boyfriend because, she says, she can't get over what he did to her. It's such a waste of a life IMO because all he did was break up with her. Shoot, I've been broken up with 4 times and I'm doing all right. But she's allowed it to destroy her life.

Dont' let that happen. Keep yourself busy with something, anything so that you don't waste any more time pining over a relationship that ended long ago and wasn't so great to begin with.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2010
Mon, 09-17-2012 - 2:29am
Those people all called me a tranny or transgender or that I look like a man or I was a guy etc. those were the mean and rude remarks an messages i've received.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2010
Mon, 09-17-2012 - 2:33am
No they didn't all move away they just stopped talking to me so the friendships faded away and nope no luck with finding a job either. That sucks about that lady and i do not want that to happen to me. And no those friends were my friends from high schoool.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2010
Mon, 09-17-2012 - 2:01pm
They told me those things becuz i wanted to date and meet guys etc. And yes I'd always talk to my friends but they'd only talk to me when they wanted too or were bored etc.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2007

Napy, I remember you once saying that you don't want your friends to smoke or drink around you because of your life philosophy.    Thing is, telling friends that they can't be themselves around you is a great way to alienate them.    

I would guess that your stance on other's behaviour when they are with you is part of the reason why you now find yourself alone.  Accepting people for who they are is the best way to encourage them to accept you for who you are.   It's a Karma thing.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2010
Mon, 09-17-2012 - 9:26pm

I'm a member on a few dating sites one of the sites has a forum section like this one. So I posted topics of random topics about dating and I would get replies but most would be about my profile or my photos and then the comments of me looking like a tranny or being a transgenfer or looking like a man or a guy would pop up again and again. Even people are saying I don't know nothing about music even tho my website is all about music!!!!!!

 

Me and my old best friend had a fight i tried bringing it back but she said no and the other friend just used me same with the rest of the friends. So I just cut them all loose.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2010
Mon, 09-17-2012 - 9:28pm

When me and my old friends hung out tho they never did those things around me and I liked that. And besides that all of the new people who I would like to be my friends live far, don't drive, don't work, and don't got money, and just do those things i.e drink, smoke, and do drugs. So how can any of that work?