10 years and he bailed, Why?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2003
10 years and he bailed, Why?
2
Mon, 08-30-2004 - 3:05pm
My ex-boyfriend and I were together until 2 1/2 months ago. He decided that we need a break and now he says when he gets mad that we will never get back together. He bailed on our life. We have always wanted the same things, the marriage, house kids and we have always seen ourselves together and with no one else. We were high school sweethearts and I love him more then life itself. He still loves me and he is still in love with me but he says we need a break, what the hell does that mean. I am still in the angry/sad phase and I don't know how to get over it. He ruined our life, we had plans. We weren't engaged or anything but we were happy. We started fighting about money not to long ago bc he didn't have any and I was paying for everything. So I spoke up and we started to fight for about two weeks and he said that we needed a break. What is break, I feel like I am on Friends or something. Aren't you supposed to work through problems not bail on them. And we were only fighting for two weeks not for two months. And if we were married with kids would he bail. I am so confused. I spent ten years with this guy the only thing we were missing from a marriage was a ring, ceremony and a house (we don't live together). Like I asked a friend, how are you supposed to move on when you don't want to and your heart belongs to someone else?

Sorry it's such a sparatic posting, I am just so confused and hurt!

lins
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-21-2004
Mon, 08-30-2004 - 4:14pm
Humm, it kinda sounds like money makes him edgy. Does he feel guilty he's not contributing much and you just pointed it out, or does he want to pretend like money isn't important and is running away? You don't live together, but you say you pay for everything? Be happy you don't pay his rent too.

Sometimes people hang on in a relationship because it's comfortable even though they may not think it's the perfect relationship for them, and then their mate makes a fuss and all of a sudden they want to leave asap.... Have you had the the heart to heart talk yet? Whithout the blaming and the screeching? Just an open and honest communication?

Have faith...

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2004
Mon, 08-30-2004 - 10:39pm
Welcome to the board!! I know you're hurting and I'm sorry for that....but you've come to the right place.....this is a great board to come to for support and we'll try our best to help whenever we can. You were together 10 years and still lived seperately? Is it possible that despite what he's said in the past, that he really is scared of comitment? Maybe he knew the next step would be moving in together and/or getting married so he's bailing. I think for now your best bet is to have no contact with him and if he decides to come around he will, but don't count on it and don't try and force it. Just try and stay busy and feel free to post here as often as you like. Good luck and keep us posted!!
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