10 YEARS GONE.........
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| Wed, 01-11-2006 - 8:40pm |
Well it's been 8 months now since we broke up,although it was my choice to end it I find it hard to accept at times.God knows I tried everything to make it work and for the last 3 years I felt as though I was Holding on to the title because of the history and the fact that he is a great guy.
The problem: For the last 7 years now we fell on financial difficulty because of several
obstacles that hit our way.1)He's been fighting with work insurance for 7 years because he hurt his back and they refused to compensate him so it's been 7 years of lawyers and court fees.2)His mother borrowed money off loan sharks used him as collateral and had to hussle the streets to survive to rid that debt otherwise serious consequences would take place,which dampered my relationship with his mom because she never took responsibility for her actions and turned her back leaving him with the debt and not contributing any financial aid on her part when it was her screw up....3)He got busted,had in house arrest for 1 year and parol for 1year which ends April 2006....I stayed with him through all this,took our relationship as a marriage and truely believed in it 100%.We did have a great one:communication,respect,love,trust,honesty but he neglected me for 3 years never putting anytime for us.I sat back and let him do whatever it is he had to do to get back on his feet.I'm never demanding nor do I need a man tied to my hip but I do need love and affection sometimes..
When things got better and he had the time to be there more,I understand that after everything he wanted to catch up on things but all I would ask for was 1 day a week for us to re-connect,give the relationship TLC that was lost for some time,hang out and just be together....quality time.It seemed that once a week was too much and I was left alone all the time...I would tell him that one day he would want to give me the world and i won't want it because his focus was money and buying me things when all i wanted was him around and his attention..
I realized that I fell out of love for him and the love turned into the friendship kind.
I guess I thought by leaving him and the space in between would eventually find it's way back but so far.....nothing.He's ready to give me the world,marriage,kids and all that.He always wants to give me the time I yearned for but now I really don't want it,it's gone..
I left with no guilt because I know that I held on for a long time trying but I do feel extremely sad because he does deserve the cahnce to make things right..he really does but I'm just not inlove with him anymore.Those 3 years of neglect rwally did a number on us.
I'm the type of person that loves unconditionally but every dissapointment that builds creates a heaviness that grows heavier everytime.I've expressed it all to him while we were together..I cried,yelled,spoke softly,rudely,calm,i even said that I would end up cheating on him and it didn't do anything...Only now that I left him he hears my voice expressing those emotions he ignored but now it seems too late for me to turn back...
I really hate that this is happening,It saddens me imensely but yes life does go on and in some way I am still optimistic in my own way..I accept that it's a choice I made even though it hurts to lose 10 years with someone that I truely loved unconditionally and was part of my life through so much good and bad..I will take the lessons we learned from eachother with me and I will cherish it in my heart.
Time heals and in time I will find love again but for now I will live day by day and concentrate on me.
Thank You for listening

Hi,
It is good to see that you seem to have a good perspective on your situation and that you are being strong. Thanks for sharing your feelings and yes, we are listening.
Ash