12 hour breakup

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-29-2007
12 hour breakup
1
Fri, 06-29-2007 - 12:06pm

I have been dating this guy for 3 months and things have been going wonderfully. Last night, out of the blue, he calls me and tells me that he thinks that we should end things. I am utterly flabberghasted, because there had been no indication that things had been going wrong at all. I figure he knows what he feels, so I tell him OK, and that I will talk to him in a month to see how he is doing, because I still want to remain friends. I call back a few minutes later because I really want to know how long he has been feeling like this. He says that he has been feeling this way for the last couple weeks, that we have been formal and awkward and he didn't feel right. I tell him that it didn't feel that way at all to me, but if he was feeling that way, then obviously it wasn't going to work.

I cried myself to sleep after talking to some of my friends about it, who were just as surprised as I was. I turned off my phone because I didn't want to talk to anyone until the next day. I woke up and saw that he had called 16 times since early that morning, and he had left a message telling me that he had made a terrible mistake, and that he didn't want to break up, and he wanted to be with me. He's going to call at lunch.

Now, I want to be with him, but I don't want him to think that he can do this sort of thing to me. I know that he and his last gf broke up a lot, and maybe he is used to doing that in a relationship. I was planning on telling him that I understand freaking out and pushing people away, but that he should feel like he isn't alone and that he can talk to me. I am also going to tell him that if he breaks up with me with no warning and without talking to me about the feelings he is having, I won't take him back again. I'm also going to ask him what he's been feeling, because obviously he has some things that have been bothering him. I guess my question is, any other things you can think of that I should talk about or do? He's a really wonderful guy, I think he just freaked out because we were getting so close. But obviously, he needs to be more communicative and shouldn't just break up with me and not talk to me about it, because that's a really terrible thing to do to someone. Thanks for reading this, I know it's really long.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
Fri, 06-29-2007 - 5:56pm

I think everything you wanted to talk to him about, etc., was pretty much on point. I'd probably add that you want him to know he can and truly feel safe and comfortable with coming to you with things that are bothering him, so you can address them, instead of him going off the handle like that.

Give yourself a few days to really think this over about getting back with him or not, you're right, he shouldn't feel he can do the breakup/makeup thing with you, putting the relationship on the chopping block is no way to deal with problems.

Best of luck!

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