For 13 months he loved me, then 1 day...

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2006
For 13 months he loved me, then 1 day...
12
Thu, 03-23-2006 - 8:24pm

Then he just stopped calling or returning my calls. It's been 3 weeks!

He was supposed to come over and spend the night and couldn't for whatever reason. And when I told him I was upset he called me clingy so I hung up on him. That was 3weeks ago. How can you go from seeing, loving, talking to someone everyday 5 times a day, to just NOTHING? I have no closure, we didn't even fight!! I'm sooo confused as to what is going on... Are we broken up? I mean... he won't even call me to tell me whats going on.

Has anyone ever gone through this? He just dropped me... like that. We were bestfriends, and the little tiff we had wasn't anything close to major.

Heartbroken and confused
Andrea

Pages

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 03-23-2006 - 10:12pm

Yes, I went through it...and we didn't even have a fight, our last conversation was positive, I thought! But after 1.5 years, he just stopped talking to me (that was in November). I finally did get an apology from him a few weeks ago (4 months after he disappeared) but while it helped, it doesn't make the pain he caused me go away.

I think you do need to assume that you are broken up, sorry. And somehow you need to find your own closure...I was working on accepting that a man who was right for me would never do something like that and hurt me in that way.

I'm assuming you apologized for hanging up on him in one of your messages?

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2006
Thu, 03-23-2006 - 10:40pm

Well, today was the first day I have called him since hanging up on him 3 weeks ago. No I did not apologize, I did, however say that I'm not upset with him for caling me clingy. And I said that I hope he isnt upset with m either. In the past he has done waaaaaaaaaaay worse than just hang up on me, so I doubt he'd hold a grudge for that. I think that he just refused to call me since I was the one who hung up on him and as time progressed... That said, I don't understand how we went to having that little spat to this scenario where he is acting as is we had never met. An apology is redundant at this point I feel. What good would it do?

How can I get him to just let me know what his intentions are?

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 03-24-2006 - 9:44am

Hmm. IMO a sincere apology is never too late and never redundant. I think the fact that he's done worse is irrelevant. Apologizing is just the right thing to do, IMO...regardless of what he said to you, hanging up on someone is never cool. If you really want to open the door to talking to him, I would apologize. That doesn't mean you're excusing what he said, it just means that you're taking responsibility for responding childishly.

You said in your first post that he wasn't returning your calls...but you say here that you never called him until yesterday, so I'm confused...which is it?

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2006
Fri, 03-24-2006 - 12:59pm

Thankyou for the reply and I apologize for the confusion. Last night was the 1st time I attemtpted to "call" him. a few days prior to this situation we had made plans to go to church on sunday. I texted him the friday before and asked if we were still on for church on sunday. He replied "No." So I did attempt contact twice (1 text and this one phonecall), but I only just recently actually used the phone.

I did however just receive an email from him I'd like to post it...

Andrea-

I appreciate your conciliatory tone on your voicemail. To answer your questions, I am not yet ready to talk, but at the same time, I am certainly not upset. I have been accepted to the Rice MBA program, and granted a 40% scholarship as well. I have still not received word one way or the other from Texas or HBS. I should know where I’ll be going to school by the end of next week, though, if all goes well.

NTES finished its March contract at exactly $90.00. I had plays at $95 and up, so I finished out of the money. I still have one more play for April at $105. Finally, Netease announced a 4:1 stock split effective on March 28th, so my play will change to April calls at $26.25. At today’s prices, the stock would be worth about $22.60, so keep your fingers crossed that it keeps going up…

Take care of yourself, Babe. Don’t forget to start your father’s taxes (and yours!) and that you donated some $15,000 (est.) to the Salvation Army. Keep up your good grades… I’m pulling for you!

Very Best Regards,

Now, what is going on?!?! He isnt ready to talk, but not upset, but he still calls me "Babe"?!

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 03-24-2006 - 3:01pm

Yikes!! I hate to say it, but that doesn't sound like an email from a man who still wants to be in a romantic relationship with you. I mean really, "Very Best Regards"?????

I think you need to prepare yourself for it being over and move on. Hopefully at some point he will deign to tell you why he decided to end it but for the moment he's just being stubborn, it sounds like.

Sorry, I wish I got a better feeling from the email...

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2006
Fri, 03-24-2006 - 3:42pm
Honey i've gone through it! THREE TIMES!! i don't understand men anymore. why do they do that? i don't understand how they go from something great to all of a sudden NOTHING. it's the hardest thing for me to cope with. i'm so hurt by this. at least i know i'm not the only one. i just think it's so cruel. if the guy wants it to be over, why can't they just say it instead of just disappearing off the face of the earth and letting us wonder what the hell went wrong or if they are even still alive! :( i'm soooooooooo hurt. men suck!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2006
Fri, 03-24-2006 - 4:38pm
Well, if it makes you feel any better, I'm here to say that I'm another one that's been through the same thing and it drove me crazy. My story is this. I'm dating a guy that I work with...HUGE MISTAKE. Anyway, we've been seeing each other off and on for about 8 months. Our relationship is very complicated because outside of work, we hardly get see each other because we stay in different cities, and when we do see each other, there's a lot of planning involved. Anyway, to make a long story short, we have little spats here and there about not spending enough time together and where the relationship is going. Well, about six months into the relationship, the calls stopped and he started ignoring me at work and when I tried to confront him to ask "why the cold shoulder?" all he would tell me is that he was going through some things and he needed space. The first week of this, I panicked and demanded a better explanation. Like you, I wondered how could he claim to love me so much, but then just stop speaking to me out of the blue? Well, when I tried to be persistent in getting him to give me a better reason for his sudden cold shoulder, it only angered him and he basically told me to just leave him alone. I was so hurt, but I came to my senses and ignored him as he ignored me, walking pass each other at work like we were complete strangers. It was killing me but I didn't know what to do short of stalking him. But then, about three weeks later, he called out of the blue to say he missed me and if we could try again. When I tried again to ask for an explanation of his sudden "distance", he basically told me to let it go, and that he was back to normal. I was reluctant to take him back, but I missed him so much, so like an idiot, I pretended like it never happened, and for the past two months we've been doing "okay". But I still wonder "what happened, and will it happen again?"
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2006
Fri, 03-24-2006 - 4:40pm
That is Exactly what happened to me..
We had a disagreement. Not major. But he stormed off in the car, which I still don't get.. It wasn't a problem. Really. But the fact that he left me on the street in front of my place at midnight without waiting to see that I got in safely ticked me off and I left a VM. I never heard from him again.
He blocks my calls and won't get in touch..
It's been two weeks and a day. It feels like a year.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2006
Fri, 03-24-2006 - 5:25pm

Thank you for all of your replies... I'm just very confused, why call me Babe? Why not just say "take care of yourself". and leave it at that...

the other thing is.. I accidentally emailed him a copy of a paper for english... it was just a paragraph really, but upon looking into his email, I expected to see it in "trashcan" and saw that he put it in "personal". It was clearly not a note meant for him but he still saved it.

Does that mean anything or am I just grasping at straws? BTW the english paper thing happened a few days ago, B4 he emailed me saying he wasnt ready to talk yet.

Golly, putting women through such torture is just monstrous... Id like to tell him so, but alas.... I'm cut off from speaking with him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2006
Fri, 03-24-2006 - 5:48pm
Honey, I wouldn't hold on to the "babe" thing. A lot of guys just use words w/o the meaning that we look for. Perhaps he is just trying to be cute or diffuse a situation and keep you from going off on him.. But I'm only guessing.
At any case, Hold onto actions rather than words, They never mean the same..
As for the paper thing, who knows. But really, do you really believe that this treatment is all that you deserve in life? Why can't you deserve to be treated properly? that is the real question to keep asking yourself.
I keep trying to repeat it to myself ad nauseum. And sometimes it actually helps.
Hang in there!

Pages