2 months and its not getting easier...

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-28-2005
2 months and its not getting easier...
1
Thu, 04-28-2005 - 2:57pm

My boyfriend and I have been together for 5 years, however its been on and off. He has broken up with me 3 times throughout these 5 years, just for basically no reason, and within one month, he always came crawling back.

He was extremely faithful, we grew up together, therefore have many mutual friends. But our relationship just wasn't going well. He drinks too much and sometimes when he was drunk, he would get really mad and push me around, but sometimes he woul dbe the opposite and say "i love you" a million times. Despite the fighting and hard times, we overall had a really great, fun relationship.

We broke up about 2 months ago now, it was fairly mutual, and for the first month, I was just fine! I knew it was for the right reasons, I was ready to move on, had even met a few new guys, but nothing ever came of them. But i think in th eback of my mind, I was thinking he would be coming abck for me which I think is the satisfaction I needed - even though I know getting back together isn't a good thing...

I find myself constantly sick worrying about him being with other poeple (even though he assures me he has'nt, and we still talk to each other a bit), and he frustrates me by calling me sometimes after a night out at the bar, confessing his love to me, then the next 3 am call, he is being a loser!?!?! I finally told him, ok you gotta have one way or the other, make up your mind, and until then, just stop calling me talking abotu yoru feelings until you KNOW what your talking about.

I can't sleep at nights, am finding myself worrying about what he is doing, instead of worrying about myself and just enjoying things for ME! I am constantly worrying about our mutual friends, whose "side" they are on and what people think. I wonder WHY things are like this, and if this is how they are going to stay???

i am a wreck, i thought things were supposed to get easier with time, i am finding them to get harder with time!!!!

HELP me to see things will get better, and does this guy seem even worthwhile worrying about?????????

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2005
Thu, 04-28-2005 - 5:20pm

Lis--

I think they will get better. They have to. Just as a disclaimer, I've never been in a serious relationship or broken up until this recent guy so I can't speak from much more experience than my 3 months of "ex-relationship" can provide. That said, I know for a fact that right around 2 months was THE WORST time for me. The first few weeks were not so bad...I mean, they were bad and I was an utter wreck for a few days in that beginning time, but the reality of the situation hadn't hit me yet. I knew it was over, and I knew it was for the best and I was sad and so forth, but I was handling it pretty well--my ex even went so far as to tell me that our breakup was "the best" that he had ever been through and I *really* thought I could be friends with him. I'm not so sure he would say that now, because when reality hit me...girl, did it hit me. At around 2 months the pain of my loss began to blast me in the face with about 3000 degrees of agony and confusion. Reality had taken a few months to settle in and then as soon as I began to fully understand that reality...drama ensued. See previous posts, especially the one where he came over and, oh yeah, I bawled like a new-born babe b/c I really couldn't have him. Anyway...my point is that it's now a month after all of that and though I am by no means healed, and I still struggle and hurt like crazy, I've definitely passed the pinacle of "the grief curve." You will too, I promise.