2 weeks of healing down the drain
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| Mon, 08-30-2004 - 3:24pm |
So, for those of you who remember, BF of 4 years left our place a couple of weeks ago with absolutely no warning....I've been doing good keeping myself busy and my mind off of him as much as I can and then....
He came by here last night to drop off rent and I have now totally regressed after seeing him...I was doing really well when he got here making small talk and such. But I just couldn't keep it up and I lost it. *Totally* lost it -- right down to the tears. I was so embarrassed!!! I guess some small stupid part of my brain was thinking that once he came back here and saw me and our place and all he wouldn't want to leave again. I thought wrong.
And why am I only remembering the good times? Why has my memory suddenly blocked out the fights and petty arguments? I don't understand this! So now today I'm thinking that I am back at square 1 where I'm all upset and teary and wondering what I did wrong and what I could have done differently so that this never would have happened but what's the use? Apparently my big mistake was ever mentioning the possibility of engagement...stupid me.
I am SO mad at myself for feeling this way all over again!!!!
~* Kristen


Don't be so hard on yourself... it's understandable that it's going to be hard for you- it's only been 2 weeks. Just pick yourself up, dust yourself off and start over. You're going to be fine... it may take time, but you will be okay. You're strong and you can do it!
"Without music, life is a journey through the desert"...
I started posting here the day after my ex- broke up with me. That first week, I didn't even want to wake up some mornings..because it hurt so bad. 1 month later, I'm still here. Surprisingly, this past weekend was filled with loved ones and laughter.
With good friends, family, and support systems like this board, you don't have to feel isolated or ashamed of your feelings.
Hugs to you!
-Izuri
I really know where you're coming from, because I've been there myself. Just remember: No Contact. There's a reason for it, and - hard as it is - you just experienced what that reason is. If you keep up the NC for a while, it's funny, but you actually do feel better overall.
Also - get a copy of "He Said, She Said" - it talks a lot about this feeling of "if I would have just done things differently..."
Keep your chin up!
F.
Sorry for the long story.... just wanted you to know (in detail apparently) why and how I identify with your situation. I am sorry you are going through a hard time. If you ever need to talk... let me know!
Rhandi
I just have to say that you are all so awesome -- this is the hardest thing that I can ever remember having to go through and you are all making it easier for me. I guess I just have to keep it in mind that time heals all wounds, right? Everything happens for a reason...I just need to figure out the reason for this!
Thank you all for being there -- this board is my solace when I'm having a weak moment and the tears flow all over again.
~* Kristen