2 years and now it may be over. HELP!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2004
2 years and now it may be over. HELP!
1
Sun, 10-22-2006 - 3:23pm

I'm not sure how to handle this. My boyfriend and I were fine we had small arguments every now ans then but nothing serious. Then the other night he got off work and picked me up from my parents home to take me to his place (where I live too most of the time) and on the way some guy in a honda accord got up next to us and tried to race us. My boyfriend owns a newer Acura RSX and people try to race him all the time because of the car. Well my boyfriend's ego always has to get the best of him. So he races the guy with me in the car and I was really scared. I told him I hate when he races people with me in the car because my sister was in a car accident and now she can't work at any job that requires her to stand at all. I don't want that to happen to me or him.

My boyfriend has Rheumatoid Arthritis in his entire body and he told me once that since he can't play sports that driving is his thing. He is an amazing driver but the things he pulls with me in the car terrify me. The other night I freaked and told him I hoped the cops stopped us and he got so mad pulled over on the highway and tried to make me get out. He chucked his cellphone at me and everything. I freaked so he turned the cra around on the highway and took me back to my parents and said we were over. I have never seen him flip out like that. :( We were always so happy. He doesn't like ultimatums or being told what to do. I hate that he doesn't take my feelings into consideration when I tell him I don't want to die.

I'm 19 and he's 24. We were so happy and committed and now it's all over. I guess. He is hard to reason with. We have done everything together and been inseperable for a long time. He was promoted where we work and is a supervisor above me. So he has the ability to make my life hell at my job if he wanted. Most of my things are at his place and our whole lives are so about eachother and now it may be all over.

The thing is I haven't cried. Maybe I'll be upset when it sinks in more and I see him at work but usually when a relationship ends I'm balling my eyes out. Right now I feel nothing, just calm. I'm scared it'll just hit me and I'll be so upset.

Should I try to work things out with him after all this time or should I just let him make the first move or should I just end it. I don't know, he was the best boyfriend I've ever had, we went on tons of trips together and did so much. I love him and will miss him if we break up. He tried to push me out of a car at nighttime though, he snapped is this someone who I could be with forever. I don't know..

What should I do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Sun, 10-22-2006 - 10:24pm

::What should I do?

Let him come to you.

::Should I try to work things out with him after all this time or should I just let him make the first move or should I just end it.

Sounds like it's already ended and you don't have to 'do' anything. If you go to him, he will assume you are admitting you are wrong, which you aren't.

Here's some red flags based on your post:

::He doesn't like ultimatums or being told what to do. I hate that he doesn't take my feelings into consideration when I tell him I don't want to die.

Well, no one does, but he's a little immature when it comes to scaring you and taking your feelings into consideration.

::he got so mad pulled over on the highway and tried to make me get out. He chucked his cellphone at me

So he'd abandon you on the street and he's abusive towards you. All because deep down he's knows your right and he can't admit it (ego and pride).

::My boyfriend has Rheumatoid Arthritis in his entire body and he told me once that since he can't play sports that driving is his thing.

His justification for his behavior, choices, decisions and action. All the while disregarding your feelings and fears.

I hope you focus on you and your healing and really look at this situation...is this someone you really want to be around? Also, if he wants to get back together, insist on couples counseling.


Carrie