3 months of no contact and....
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| Tue, 05-31-2005 - 2:52pm |
it still hurts. below is the link to my story if you want to read it.
http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv-rlbreaking&msg=17721.1
It has been three months of N/C, but I still feel miserable. I've let myself grieve/cry, but I still miss her so much + still feel so much hurt. I'm still very upset with how things ended between us. I hate the fact that she broke up with me because she feels that I didn't want to marry her. The day we broke up I told her, if it means us breaking up than lets set a date, b/c I knew I would marry her someday soon. Well she comes back and says it's too late, I don't want to marry you anymore. Ladies, does this behavior make sense? When a women supposedly loves someone and wants to marry someone, can they change their mind in a matter of a few weeks? Also, my ex is already dating someone else, if she truly wanted to marry me would she be emotionally ready to see someone else a week after we break up? Her actions make no sense to me. Even if a really attractive women asked me to go out right now, emotioanlly I'm not ready to move on, but some how my ex has. Sometimes I wonder if she is just lying to herself.

Not only can someone change in the matter of a few weeks, they can change 180 in the matter of a day or even an hour. It leaves the other person totally confused, shocked and devastated. These people have a pattern of behavior that is damaging. Just because she is with someone else does not mean she is suddenly a person who is now emotionally secure. I remember your story. I remember that you were suspecting that she already had this other guy waiting in the wings before you broke up. Perhaps she is the one here to is truly afraid of commitment, which is why she switched partners so quickly when she realized you might actually follow through one day soon on marrying her. My guess is she has no clue what she's doing and I would be seriously surprised if she ends up marrying the other guy. But commitmentphobes marry too but that doesn't mean they don't withdraw in other ways.
But that's beside the point. THe fact is she did what she did and whether or not you understand it, it's time to BELIEVE IT. Hard as it is, believe it because people who seem to switch as quickly as she did have issues most of us can never understand. Her idea of love is clearly different from yours. Believe it. The person you once thought was your closest confidante and best friend seems now like a complete stranger. Believe it. The person who told you they loved you is now saying the same to someone else. Believe it. These people leave destruction in their path. STOP blaming yourself. If you were not abusive or hateful to her, then you have nothing to regret. Stop retracing everything you said and did that you feel MAY have led up to her decision. YOu can't take it back and more than likely you shouldn't have anyway because that's who you were in that space and time. She is your history now hard as it is to face. You don't understand how she can just switch off her feelings. Believe it. It's her issue, not yours.
Your issue is learning to recover. Your issue is picking up next time on the signs and cues that the person isn't fully in it with you before your give your heart. That is your issue and figuring that out is where your energy needs to go now.
I know because I'm there too and dwelling, questioning and disbelieving will keep you mired in stagnation and pain.
Believe it.