3 months post-breakup and still hurting - HELP!
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|Fri, 07-19-2013 - 8:37am|
It’s been over 3 months since my ex and I broke up (April), and I cannot help but obsess over our past, and the circumstances of our breakup. Just to give a little background…
We were together for over 3 years. The last year saw some bumps in the road, a lot to do with her schedule (she has 4 kids). I am single with no kids. The only time we would spend together alone is 2 weekends a month, from Friday evening to Sunday evening (so 4 days total come to think of it). For most of the relationship, I was ok with it, as it gave me the flexibility of time to myself, plus I would get together with her sometimes during the week and weekends she had the kids. But as I said, the final year, especially after this past Christmas, things were going downhill. I have been in and out of temp jobs due to being laid off 3 years ago and was not happy with my work situation and I think it was really wearing me down emotionally, and that might have affected us. She started inviting me over less frequently, even to family functions I was always included in.
The final straw that was the bullet in the head, is what I cannot stop thinking about, and robs me of thinking about the good times we had...
One day on Facebook, she mentioned she was very happy and excited. I texted to say I was glad and to ask what about. She said that she was planning a cruise vacation. This was the first I ever heard about it. I asked who she was going with, she said her parents and her girlfriend. She said she wasn’t sure I would be interested, but I was welcome to come. Translation: “tag along”. I found out that she was planning this for at least a week with her friend before this was mentioned to me. So, this ended up in 2 days of silent treatment from me (which she accepted) and finally me asking her to meet, where I ended it. She said that she thinks it was best we end it too. I feel that she had intentionally not invited me for the specific reason of hoping it would piss me off to the point where I would end it and look like the bad guy. Mission accomplished! Looking back, I wish we could have talked things out before she had chosen this way if she were truly unhappy. We are still FB "friends", which might complicate matters, both in reading hew "countdowns" top the number of days left to her cruise, the activities she is doing with her kids which I always enjoyed participating in, and just reading that she seems happy in general, which I think is what bothers me the most. I guess I'm wishing she felt the pain of the seperation that I feel now. I use to get notifications when she would post something, but I turned that off, but I still find myself compelled to look and see.
In the 3 years we have been together, we never had the opportunity to take a lengthy trip aside from weekend road trips, either due to her schedule with kids, or my own financial situation. I had found a lengthy work assignment, and started to find the happiness in the fiscal security I was achieving when this all came down.
So now I’m left with a heart full of resentment. How do I get over this? Clearly getting back together is not the answer, as it would only lead to the same outcome. Not to mention, I don’t want to go back if she slept with anyone after me, or sit home when she goes on her cruise. I am currently seeing someone else who treats me so much better, but for some reason, I still can’t shake these resentful feelings and think about what was, and what could have been. I can't keep bringing up these matters to my ex as I'm sure she doesn't want to deal with them anymore.
HELP!!! These past few months have done some real work on my heart and emotions and I just want to get over it!