3 months...anyone else feel this way?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-23-2004
3 months...anyone else feel this way?
3
Tue, 12-04-2007 - 3:47pm

It's been 3 months since my ex and I broke up.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2006
Tue, 12-04-2007 - 4:09pm

Hi Kitty,


First of all, I am not sure, you said you have "broken up" but still want to go shopping together? I think any such thing (including birthday gifts) is definitely going to prolong the hurt. So it seems like he doesn't want a girlfriend, but just wants a normal friendship with you (if there is ever such a thing..). I think exchanging birthday gifts, going shopping together alone..is just more than a casual work friendship. You dont' need that now; I know this is going to be tough, but you got to call it total quits with him. No more friendly email joke exchange, no more shopping trips. Try to minimize casual contact. I know this is tough but unless you do so, you are never going to be rid of this hurt. And why is he not stopping..guess he still wants your company but wants the freedom of being solo or dating other girls..But now it is about you! You have to take care of yourself, and only way to get out of this hurt is to just try to have as little a contact with him as possible.


Your story is so familiar to me. Last year. I was in an online work relationship. And I thought I could keep the friendship going. but it has been a year. And only recently I have stopped totally....but it still hurts v bad. And I thought the same thing ..we still made each other laugh, it was obvious we had so much in common, I am still like - doesn't he see this? It is going to be the holidays soon and I still am thinking if I should send him a card..But It is obvious he has changed..he doesnt' look at me as anyone other than another colleague and if it hurts me, that is the only way I can rid of my hurt is to try forget by doing NC totally...it is really hard though..


Good luck to you !

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-23-2004
Tue, 12-04-2007 - 4:14pm

Hi Gal Summer,


You said you were in an online work relationship?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2006
Tue, 12-04-2007 - 4:37pm

Hi Kitty,


Well ..when things "officially broke up" last year, we still kept in contact (like emailing 1/week or so - usual work related with some light conversations thrown in...). Then we worked together briefly and had to email again..and it was friendly though never the level it used to be. After that project ended, it was like going through the hurt again - I think I had a hard time letting go..in the sense I was the one initiating these 1/week email. And he was just replying. After going through the hurt again (this after 10 months), I just said to myself..I got to stop emailing. Since he stopped initiating it a while back, it wasn't problem with him. I was the one who had to stop it. Also he is not in same office with me..so I guess, it is good that I dont see him every day. But believe me, just last night, I was so sad..I wished I could see him again personally and talk to him straight about what it was..what happened.


But I think how much ever it hurts now, we got to realize we keep re-opening those wounds again by contacting them....And if they dont want to be with us, there is no point. So I am just trying to go on..I still look for his email sometimes in the mornings (unconciously) and I still want to ask this other friend of mine (who he now works with) how he is doing. But I know I just have to let go. I also read a lot of break up books..and try to practice what they preach..sometimes it helps.


One thing with you is - your Ex still wants to sort of hang out with you. In my case, he stopped totally..So you have to be strong and say to him there is no point since he can't offer anything more. So he has to know he can't keep getting his cake when he wants ..if you know what I mean. Maybe later, you can be friends..just not right away..


Let me know how things go.