3 things that have helped me

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2006
3 things that have helped me
3
Thu, 01-25-2007 - 11:07pm

I wanted to post a couple things that I have done that have helped me, because I know when I was fresh out of my relationship the some of my favorite posts were the ones that reminded me that I will come out of the other side a better person. Just for a little background, my ex broke up with me somewhat out of the blue. One night he was declaring to his family how much he cared about me and four weeks later he was saying he couldn't be in a relationship anymore. Too much pressure with work and school, etc. Those were the last words he said to me. The last time I saw him was in a restaurant with a girl he works with, one month after he dumped me. It killed me. I spent the first two months missing him every morning, crying on the weekends, the same thing I've seen a lot of women talk about. The third month was December, and that was hard because of the holidays and my birthday. January is my fourth month, and I wanted to share three things that I think have really helped me get to a happy place again.

1) I visited this board religiously. My friends are great, but they definitely ran out of things to tell me. Everyone here has been so helpful, and I have tried to put my two cents in where I thought I could help. Some of the responses that I have receive have been so insightful, I was blown away.

2) I read 'Mars and Venus Starting Over'. Okay, everyone here has their opinions about various books, but I think this one had some decent advice about the steps of grieving. Some people say that it is somewhat of a chauvenist perspective (women should not jump in bed with the first guy the find, but it does help men to sleep around). Okay, some of it I took with a grain of salt, but I think it helped me identify my feelings and also helped me get some closure.

3) I joined a women's group! I live in a large city, but believe it or not, it's hard to meet new people. The women do all types of activities from running, knitting, bar hopping. I just wanted to mention this, because so many of them have said that the reason they joined was because they were new to the city and were lonely, but some of them are out of relationships and wanted to establish a new social circle. Maybe it's just me, but I think I have heard this theme in several of the posts on this board. If you go to meetup.com you might find that there is a similar group where you live. It just helps to find a group of people who have gone through what I have.

So these are the things that have helped me. I am not completely healed, but I am not sad or angry, and I don't want him back. I have a date with the second guy I've dated since the breakup, and I am for the first time again giddy! When I dated the first guy, I was not ready to date again--a testament for making sure that you are in a good place before you try to date againg.

I hope that my experience can help someone else.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2006
Fri, 01-26-2007 - 6:37am

Wow kris---great advice :)

I agree with hanging with the girls

Here are somthimgs that have helped me.

1. Listening to music that reminds me of all aspects of the relationships as well as catchy tunes for me this i m,y personal playlist:
Say Goodbye-Chris Brown
Sweet Escape-Gwen Stefani and Akon
Walk AwayPaula de Anda
It Ends Tonight-All American Rejects
Since You've Been Gone-Kelly Clarkson

2. Doing things that I love and did less of when I was dating like ballroom dancing and pool playing

3. Reconnection with old friends

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-21-2006
Tue, 01-30-2007 - 12:21am
Thanks ladies! That's helping me a lot right now (it's been 2 months for me)
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2007
Tue, 01-30-2007 - 12:32am

I would HIGHLY recommend reading:

Eat Pray Love
by Elizabeth Gilbert

It is amazing. I'm reading it a second time and I got it early this month!