3 Weeks "No Contact"
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| Tue, 10-19-2004 - 11:53am |
For those who have read my stories thank you for listening to me.
-Update-
I posted last week that I had some things of his that he left at my house. Well I put them together and took it over to his parents house on Sunday. I used to live at his parents house for a year so I'm really close with his family (mainly his mother). Well she answered the door and was so happy to see me. I dont know if my ex has told her about the break up but I'm sure he has. She gave me the biggest hug and I just wanted to start crying, I almost did but I held it in. His sister and I were getting close the very end of the relationship, she got married in July and I was one of her bridesmaids. (The relationship ended in August for those who dont know) So this weekend has been a roller coaster of emotions. I try to tell myself he isnt worth it but for some reason the longer it goes with no contact the more I want him.
So the bag had some clothes (which I sprayed my perfume on...ha ha) and a old baseball hat from his league when he was little. And I had two pictures of us together. One was his favorite which is a great picture of us a few years and the other is him kissing me at our high school graduation dinner (my favorite). I dont know if he has picked up his stuff at his moms cause he normally takes a few days to get over there when she has stuff for him. I'm just wondering what he thinks when he gets his stuff back. The big thing for me was that I took it to his mom's and not his place. I didnt use the "I have some things of yours" line just so I could see him. I'm hoping he sees that I'm respecting his wishs by leaving him alone, and maybe that will make him evaluate what he really wants. I know he loves me and just wants some freedom, he told me hes scared the relationship would be like it used to and he doesnt want that.
The other thing on my mind...
He was very big about us going a month with no talking. But we didnt end contact saying "okay lets give it a month and see what happens then" Instead I was hurt that he didnt want to be with me and scared he would find someone else. So we stopped talking with no intensions of talking in a month. What do I do. Today is 3 weeks and I just want him to know I still love him and want to make this work. But Im scared that if I tell him that it will push him away and make me feel rejected again. I keep telling myself, he knows how much I love him and that I want to be together so if he wants that he will come back, so I need to just move on with my life and if it happens then great.
I think he is talking to someone and that makes me sick. I think he wanted to see if I could actually go without talking to him and haven't I proven I can!!! Someone please help I need advice very badly. I'm getting to the point were I cant do anything without wanting to crawl into a ball and cry. This morning I thought I couldnt even drive to work because I'm so messed up in the head.
HELP!!

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Your breakup is still new, you are still going through the initial stage of grief. I will have been broken up with my boyfriend for a month this coming weekend and it will be two weeks that we talked as well. I do think counseling may be good for you if you feel like you honestly cannot move forward at all, even in baby steps. It will not be an overnight transition so don't push yourself to feel that way, but you have to start finding things to look forward to or to keep yourself busy and put your energy into that. The obsessive thoughts of him are going to drain you emotionally and physically, believe me. For me, I just got to a point where I could either move forward or stay in the past and I chose to move forward.
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