3 wk mark - dreams

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2007
3 wk mark - dreams
5
Wed, 04-25-2007 - 9:37am

Yesterday was the 3 week mark since he disappeared. I sent his mother an email right after about some of the stuff he left (sentimetal stuff that was his grandmothers) She said his father would pick it up around the first of May. Past 4 nights, I have been having dreams about him. I thought i had been doing pretty good, trying to keep busy, writing in journal, reading the boards, even went out last week with a couple of friends for dinner. I broke down hard at work (luckily i am the only one in the office)continued into the night off and on, I basically cried myself to sleep. I dreamed he came to pick up the stuff ,then we were talking about trying to make it work, i went downstairs to get us something to drink, by the time i got back upstairs, his stuff was gone with a sign hanging up - If you want to be alone, be alone. I ran outside and he was standing there by his truck, I woke up and was crying so hard, woke up about every hour on the hour afterwards. As im sitting here typing this here they come again. I don't know if it is because it is getting close to the 1st and i am thinking his dad will come to pick up the stuff,( i haven't heard anything from his mom if she is still planning on getting the stuff) or if it is just part of the grieving process, or maybe it is hormones.
Any advice?
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-05-2007
Fri, 04-27-2007 - 5:42pm

Hi sassisizz,


It will get easier.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-29-2006
Mon, 04-30-2007 - 9:17pm

I think the dreams are just something you have to deal with and let pass, unfortunately. It's smart to take into consideration the fact that dreams are not premonitions. It keeps you grounded when you have the dreams that leave you disturbed when you wake up or the ones where you've reconciled and got back together, when in your waking life you're still wishing for that. Neither of these situations are realistic, and so when a dream that causes that much pain comes along, you have no choice but to just... let it go. As time goes on, you'll find that he will be in your dreams less and less, that his place in your dreams will be less central (he won't be the "lead actor" anymore), and when he is in your dream it won't necessarily have anything to do with your relationship. It just takes time.

Even if in your waking life you think you don't miss him or the relationship, maybe he's still creeping into your dreams and when you wake up you're still left wondering. I know it's a little too Freudian and abstract, but I'd like to think that maybe once he exits your dreams in the sense of the "relationship" you two had, and either takes on a different role in them or isn't in your dreams at all, you have truly regained your power and won't be missing him anymore.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2007
Tue, 05-01-2007 - 10:21am
I am doing the same thing, my dreams are really simple. Like, I dream that we were text messaging and then I wake up hysterical because I am dissapointed that it was only a dream. Sometimes, I wish I could just hate him and be over it. I'd rather we would have gotten in a huge fight and ended it, rather then him coming to me and being like "we're not working, give me a week to decide" And now he won't even say that he loves me. When you tell some one you love them and spend so much time with them for 2 years, does it really just go away like that? Because it is not going away for me...
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2007
Tue, 05-01-2007 - 3:51pm

Past three nights, he hasn't been in my dreams (that i can remember) I don't know if its the OTC sleep med I've been taking, Ive actually slept about 5 hours each night without waking up once. Or my dreams were helping me work through it. And i haven't broke down and cried for 2 days until today. I feel like it is getting better. I feel like you in the sense that if we had a big blow out or something it would be easier. He just left without a word. I wish i could hate him, but i don't, i'm more mad at myself, why does it seem easier to forgive him than forgive myself? I am working on that, this board and some of the advice on here has helped, I really haven't talked to anyone about it in person, family and friends just know he left without a word, I don't want to burden them with my problems, but sometimes i just want a hug when i get in the crying stage.

I don't think it just goes away, maybe they don't show it like we do. But we need to learn to concentrate on ourselves and not think about what they feel or don't feel (which is easier said than done). Hopefully when we work through this we will come out better on the other side.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2007
Tue, 05-01-2007 - 10:26pm

I was there...I dreamed of him one night and cried the next day so bad and was so depressed (and it was St. Patty's) In my dream he was with another girl...and now in reality he is...my nightmare came true.

LAST night, I had an amazing dream that this other totally hot guy (that I know in real life) liked me and was comforting me and being all attentive at a party rubbing my back. In walks my ex and all the guys I was sitting with, yell at him, tell him it's a private party, and he slinks off away, tail between legs...THEN MY ALARM WENT OFF GRRR

But I consider that progress and I think that you will too....and hopefully, when you have good dreams they will come true..(Like I am with mine hahaha. Give it time, it's been three weeksm and they will go away once you start seeing him in a different light during your awake times...

Good luck hun!