3 year relationship, that SAME old story

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Registered: 05-15-2004
3 year relationship, that SAME old story
Mon, 01-22-2007 - 12:17am

I was dating my highschool sweetheart, since grade ten, for three years. We argued and fought a lot, like what most long-term couples do, I thought.
We just both recently turned nineteen, which I think has triggered this. Him being able to be free and single with no obligations. I am not sure...
I am just thinking (because we need time apart, so the best thing I can do it think, I only hope he is doing the same).

We were pretty close from what i thought, we saw eachother every day...we both live with our parents. He worked full time hours and i am going to school...he works to support his car payment, but is feeling confused and trapped and wants to go to school. He can't move out because of the car...He wants to quit this job(works with people who are about 3-many years older than him and at different stages or their life.) I agree with that. I encouraged school.
He just got in a car accident as well, causing more grief.

Then there's me....I am a jealous, borderline controlling girlfriend. I know I have some issues, but I am trying my best to cope with it and not be so worrysome. i explained this to him.
This weekend, I went out seperately with my friend, hoping to meet some people along the way. Everyone we were supposed to chill with, ditched us making us feel very left out...I was trying to get my boyfriend to come out so he could make me feel better but he wasn't "sure if he wanted to go out, but he'd try to meet us at the bar we were at".

They didn't come for about an hour and a half (closer to last call on alcohol). So we just left, feeling bummed out. I decided to see if his guy friend (he was just going to chill with my boyfriend at his house), if his guy friend was still at the bar he was at earlier (when he was not with my (ex?) boyfriend)
I went in and my boyfriend was there! I got so angry, jumping to conclusions and I made him take me home...It turns out he just got there and was deciding if he wanted to go to my bar or go home. I felt terribly bad and I apologized to him for my ridiculous insecurity.

He then said he was confused about his life because of the burden of being stuck at home with this full time job he hates and can't quit because of his car payment. He loves me so much still but is sick of the relationship. He is tired of always looking at his watch and me being so worrysome.
He said he wanted a week to think....
Here I am now on the exact same day...I don't know what to think, I am so distressed. I want to give him whatever he wants for me to stay, but IS he just trying to break up with me to be single and away from me...Did I burden him/pressure him too much or CAN I fix my controling behavior, give him more space (how much is reasonable since we've been dating for so long)...How can we still maintain a long term status, help eachother (I thought I could help him out during this confusing time in our lives).

I don't want anyone but him, I feel like he completes me and I thought (hope he thinks) he felt the same way. He is the perfect guy, I still don't have the connection I have (and had from the beginning of our friendship beforehand) with any other guy I relate with.
He says it's not about girls, "he wouldn't date for like two years after if we broke up". It hurt me when he said that because it makes it seem like he wants this just to end without any thought to see if he could be with me and work things out...
I want to break the cycle, not break the relationship with him...
I know I am jealous and have issues, I will break the cycle of that for him...
I want to help him break the cycle of his depression/confusion of his life...
I want him to find "who he is"...I think he should have time alone to think about himself from time to time.
I am willing to work with alone, not even with friends time too...Maybe it would be healthy because he mentioned that he was either at work, with me, with buddies from work,with his friends and being stuck in a schedule of everything.
I think he just needs that, but not to break up with me....we make eachother so happy when we're together and me not being jealous...(which I am going to make a concious effort to deal with my insecurity if he wants me and we agree to terms to make our relationship work).

Or does he really just want to be away frome ME. ME in general, Not to date me, hold me, love me and spend quality time with me. Not Want to commit to me and accept me as a partner..

He says we're young...and I want to live and be young.

But I realized I could do it and still be with him....I just need to build my confidence and it can work. I have no intentions on cheating with this guy at all...I have made some mistakes with that in the past but I am already willing to break that cycle. I think we were blessed to have met eachother at a young age, because I feel we connect...We share a special bond that even though I am young, I feel he is special, different than anyone else and completely understands me.
I am in school and woild like meet girl friends (because I was friends with a lot of guys before and I realized I need girl friends).
I just think too that he is my number one priority because he is the YIN to my YANG...YIN is female and represents more serious and darker side, and YANG is male and is postivity, the light warm side. We form equilibrium and once we become older and be together longer (which I think time creates a better understanding) we will finally be at peace with one another and then we can step up in our relationship ( I AM not even rushing into anything more with him, like kids or marriage or anything...). I am willing to take as long as it takes for us to love eachother fully.

I don't know if he is just confused and doesn't see things my way, or if he wants to really be apart from me. I want to do whatever it takes...but taking like ayear break isn't good either because i still feel he can be with me and I will really make an attempt at giving him freedom as much as he needs (as long as he is willing to comprimise with me because it's both ways).
I know I am not doing my part fully now but I really want to make a positive change....
This break (hopefully only the week) has already helped me to realize I need to smarten up with the jealousy and hostility and give him what he needs.

I only request he has me in mind...knows I'm his YIN :(:(:(:(:(:(.....And me knowing he's my YANG.
I need to (and I finally do) trust that he loves me so much and would never do anything to lose the respect for the love we share in more ways than just "cheating". (ie, being there for me, showing care for me, etc.) He does care for me completely but I was so insecure about myself that i didn't see it.

This was a complete vent, I don't know what I am thinking right now. I just hope to GOD he doesn't leave me and we can work it out....DOes anyone here feel we can't work it out based on what I've said.
I can give more feedback when we talk after a week (hopefully). I am going to ask him if he even really wants me, and if he says no than that is the case, the opposite of what I am hoping...And I will be back on here venting even more despair...because a week break is less despair than that.