30 days NC with a twist

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2006
30 days NC with a twist
4
Wed, 12-27-2006 - 10:39am

So here I am last night at 29 days without contact of my commitment phobic ex who did not want to be in a relationship and wanted to date other people.

I log onto eHarmony and who am I matched with??? HIM. Why why why I ask myself? He has his picture up and everything so I get the joy of staring at that for a while. And the worst part is he Closed me with a reason of "I am pursuing another relationship"

Now I use a variation of my name but he could easily figure it was me from my profile. Since we were just matched up, I believe that means he just joined. Within the same minute I received the email notification about the match, he Closed it.

So my initial thought was anger for him pursuing another relationship. But the more I got thinking, I use that reason a lot too and I am not pursuing another relationship. And if he was, why would he be on eHarmony?? Perhaps he used that code just to hurt me?

Then two of my friends, independently, say maybe he is fishing to see if you are on it....she says it gives me a good, lighthearted excuse to email or call and jokingly say "Hey, why did you close me?"

What does anyone think of this? I was SO proud of myself to getting to the 30 day mark and this little event was a real slap in my proud face.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-18-2006
Wed, 12-27-2006 - 1:09pm
That's so bizarre! Don't contact him and ask him why he 'closed' you. You will feel a million times better if you keep going with no contact. Think of it this way--(might be a bit harsh)---he rejected you when he broke up with you, he rejected you on eharmony...don't let him reject you for a third time! He may not respond to your contact and then you'll be back at square one again. 30 days! Congratulations!
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2006
Wed, 12-27-2006 - 3:48pm
I also don't think you should contact him. Whatever his reasons for "closing" you were, don't give him the satisfaction of having you ask him about it. What kind of an answer would you hope for anyway? Keep on with the NC (yay 30 days!) and move on.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2006
Wed, 12-27-2006 - 3:56pm

Wow, I just saw this post of yours! How bizarre! That sounds like something that would happen to me.

I understand your desire to contact him, trust me. But the last 2 posts were right. You will just add to his ego, and it sounds like he doesn't need another ego boost. I can assure you that he will do the same thing to the next girl that he did to you. Thing is, the next girl probably won't put up with it the way you did and he will realize how he messed up with you. It's a classic case. Guys are so predictable...do they know that we know their next step before they know what it will be?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2006
Wed, 12-27-2006 - 4:30pm

Just my luck huh to be matched with my ex?? Classic.

I have said the same thing about him doing the same thing to the next girl. As a matter of fact, the idea alone that he is on eHarmony tells me that perhaps the girl he was dating that we broke up over didn't work out. What a shock!!