3months since we spoke

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Registered: 12-31-1969
3months since we spoke
2
Sat, 06-03-2006 - 10:41pm
Hello,
I am a male respodent.
I recently broke up with a woman whom I loved dearly. It has been nearly 3 months since the first signs of her just hating me on the eve of her girlfiend's premature death due to cancer. I knew her for 6 months at that time, yes, we had made tender and caring love togther justa week before, and yet I am still at a loss for her beauty, her whining, her crying, her reaching out, and yet she could not hear me listen because I offered no solutions. I wanted for her to solve them opn her won which I knew she could do.
Please help!
In distress,
T
Avatar for iamdelightful
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to:
Sat, 06-03-2006 - 10:53pm
I'm so sorry for your pain. Losing a relationship always hurts, no matter what the reason. I'm not really clear on why you broke up. It sounds like she felt unsupported. Women don't usually want solutions. We want to feel like our partner is willing to listen to us and just be there for us during troubled times. Losing a friend to cancer is a major loss. If she felt you weren't there for her during this difficult time I can see how it would make her question the relationship. All you can do now is continue to mourn your loss. Once your heart has healed, you can go out into the world and find someone new to love.
Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
In reply to:
Sun, 06-04-2006 - 11:09am

Thank you for your response to my concerns.
The trouble is I had done all of what you had said about just listening and not offering to solve her problems. I listened to her every night for 3 months since the news of her dear friend dying. She also had many other domestic issues regarding insurance, employment, depression, etc. that I also listened to but wanted her to find her own solutions. My listening included just offering up ideas and opinions to her. It was strange and yet symbolic that on the eve of her friends memorial, she chose to totally block me out when all I wanted was to just be there for her in her time of grieving. I still love her for who she is, problems and all. I wouldn't change a thing about her because I loved her for her vulnerabilities, her passions, her tempered will to survive desptite the odds stacked against her.
I just suspect she did not trust me enough to allow me in even though she said she did.

T