4 months later, I've been dumped again..

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-07-2005
4 months later, I've been dumped again..
3
Mon, 03-07-2005 - 9:49am

Hi everyone first time poster. I guess I should go into more detail with what happened so I will. I met "Augustina" via a website 4 months ago, we began slow enough getting to know each other and it was going well. Problem was she lived in Canada and I live near Washington D.C. so it's about 500 miles or so between the two. But I wasn't about to let that stop me.

Things were really going great, chemistry was there, we got along well. Finally when she gave me her address I surprised her with roses. I can't even tell you how many times I sent her flowers and gifts in the 4 month span I'd say all together maybe 20 times or so? Anyways we were growing closer and decided to see each other. Fine I'd fly to go see her and stay at a hotel nearby. Didn't want to intrude. So the day came and I flew up there.

Well, it didn't go well. She was very distant. If there was any contact or kissing it was always intiated by me. I knew something was wrong so I wasn't really suprised that after I got back home to recieve an email from her telling me she just wanted to be friends. I told her fine I understood how she felt, that I would always respect her but that I couldn't just be her friend. So we wished each other the best and started moving on with our lives.

Only it didn't work out that way. 4 days later she called me saying she missed me and that she wanted me back. I told her that I wasn't going to chase her. That if she wanted to be with me she would, and that the games would end. She agreed and we started talking again. This time we were closer then ever. She'd call me everynight we'd email each other several times a day. Was really great and I found myself falling in love with her.

So it was decided that I would go up to see her yet again. So I fly back over and wouldn't you know it. It's the same..damn situation as before. During a movie I decided to see if she would reach over to touch me. Just my arm or leg or whatever some sign of affection. Nothing. I knew then that the same thing was happening all over again. So I confronted her about it and she told me she didn't feel any passion for me. That it wasn't there. Well to say I was crushed was an understatement. She wanted to be friends and I told her I couldn't do it.

So here I am again with a woman I love, dumping me twice, and still missing her and not wanting her to be out of my life.

Love Sucks!

Ascendent

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2005
Mon, 03-07-2005 - 1:33pm

wow..im sorry to hear about your situation.
thats why im terrified to go back to my ex bf if he ever realizes he made a mistake.
i dunno if i could handle going through the pain twice.

all i can say is just to take it day by day.... do not remain in contact with her.

it seems like you did everything for her and she was not willing to do the same. why didnt she ever go out to see you??? did she ever send you nice gifts??

i dunno..i definately think you deserve better. eventually you WILL stop hurting.. but unfortuantely it might take a while. just keep doing the things you normally do...and try to remmeber how you lived your life before you met her.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 03-07-2005 - 2:12pm

I know you're hurting and I'm sorry for that, but in order to move on and not make the same mistake again, you need to realize that your "love" was really infatuation based on the fantasy you had of what she was really like.

Love doesn't occur until you KNOW the other person very well. It's impossible to do that without spending time with that person, IN person. Your "love" was based on your projections and fantasies of what your relationship was like, not on reality.

Also, all the phone and email chemistry in the world isn't going to make a difference if you don't have in person chemistry. It doesn't necessarily translate. You HAVE to meet in person, as soon as possible, in order to know whether it's going to be there. She's telling you it's not. I'm sure she WANTED it to be, and misses your calls and emails, but it's not there.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2004
Mon, 03-07-2005 - 10:25pm
I'm so sorry your relationship didn't work out...it sounds like she was just wanting to have "someone".
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