4 years and he calls it quits
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| Sat, 07-08-2006 - 6:13pm |
After 4 years, first year incredible, last 3 years rocky, my boyfriend says he's not happy and neither am I. That he failed at making me happy. He didn't fail I failed to express happiness. We have to live together for 6 months (enough time for me to save money and move out).
We are stepping back and dating once I move out to see if we can't arouse the happiness we had in the first year. That's fine, but how do you move on, knowing that the person you love most in this world, isn't in love with you anymore. Well he says that a part of him still is in love with me but not enough to warrant staying together to try and make it work. I'm utterly confused on what he wants, because one week he says that he wants it to work and doesn't want to lose me and the next it's I don't think this is going to work and just don't want you to ever be my girfriend again.
ARGH! So much wishy-washiness that it's maddening.
I'm lost as to whether or not I hang on to someone I know to be the best person in my life. He stuck by me when I was violent (I grew up in a violent home and didn't know the right ways to express anger. And it's still a battle that I deal with most likely always will be.) I stuck by him through his computer addictions. We are both morally compatable. We have both been there through some of the roughest times in our lives. He's the most wonderful man I know, and he tells me I'm one of the greatest people in this world he has ever known.
So I guess my dilemna is that I'm heartbroken at his not even wanting to stay together to see if we can't work it out, and am torn at whether to move on and date other people, whilst still dating him (which I find quite weird because my heart is still his so I would feel like a cheat)or to just completely move on and try and maintain the friendship we have created and say that was it, you can't drain the juice out of an already squeezed lemon. Or do I not date and linger to see if he comes around and makes up his mind what he wants.
Thank you all,
Sincerely
Exaperated and Confused

Hi, I'm in the exact same position. I've been with my boyfriend for 3 and a half years. I love him and he's my companion. He broke up with me a month ago. For the same reason. We had an amazing first year together, and the last two and a half I've been a basket case. He's stuck by me through it all, but told me he couldn't go on with it like this. Of course this was a thunderclap to my brain. I've been nagging him for a long time. He treated me like a princess and I treated him like a frog. I am doing the only thing I can do, and it's what I have to reccommend to you. Just start focusing on yourself. I miss my man more than I ever imagined I could. I regret what I did, and how I behaved. I don't know if we'll ever be together again, but I need to fix myself reguardless. I still totally anticipate his face over mine when I wake up from a nap. It's a mix of easier and harder days. We didn't live together, so that is also really hard for you. I reccommend trying to get some of your own space so that the relationship doesn't continue to deteriorate.
I am still convinced that I can get my boy back. I know that he's rarely calling, but hey at least he's calling. He told me the same thing when we broke up. He said, MAYBE we'll get back together. He just doesn't want to work hard at this anymore. He said he'd given all he had to give and he was completely depleated. So I'm working at winning him back, and the hard part is that the only way to do that is to give him as much space as possible so that he can realize that he feels the same way about me. I think you have to do that. For years I've been trying to control my boyfriend, and I finally realized that I cannot control him. I can love him. So I'm working at something new for a change. . . controlling myself. It's the best advice I can give, but take it with a grain of salt, I don't know if it will work. It is the saddest and hardest thing I've ever had to do. I am more lonely than I ever thought possible, because I'm lonely for him, and that void is not going to be easy to fill. I'm learning more things though, about myself, about life. He calls and we talk just about what is going on in our lives. He tells me about work and I tell him about going to a festival or what have you. I have steered away from anything overly mushy. Let him know that you respect him by showing him you can respect yourself. You'll be much more attractive that way.
I hope all goes well with you and yours. If you need a friend I'll be here just message me.