4 Yrs. Later He Calls! Advice Anyone?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2003
4 Yrs. Later He Calls! Advice Anyone?
19
Fri, 07-20-2007 - 12:00am

Short form:

We broke up in 2003. One of his old gf's came back into town. He swore that nothing ever happened but he conveniently broke up with me the day he picked her up at the airport. Devastated, I moved 3000 miles away, came back six months later. I never called him but, I would always get "Private Name" phone calls in the early hours of the morning. Hang ups of course. Christmas 2005 he calls to "check in". He acted like we could catch up on old times, like nothing happened. I told him that it felt weird, wished him well and hung up. He would never swallow his pride again for sure, I thought.

This past Tuesday, I could have sworn I saw him driving past my new residence. I shrugged it off but, on Wednesday my mother calls to say that he left a message on her answering machine on Sunday night. He said that he had been thinking about me this past week and just wanted to talk and if I didn't return his call then he would understand.

Here I sit, knowing that I've thought of this guy every day for four years. I have forgiven him but, I can't even begin to think of how the past could be erased somehow. I couldn't be friends with this guy either. He will never admit to the circumstances surrounding our break-up and because of that I could never trust him. I would feel so ashamed of myself just to allow him back into my life without an admission.

I have been on two dates in the past four years...TWO! I'm completely disenchanted.
My ex crushed me and I could never go through all of that again and yet, he's always been there in my heart.

A. Take a chance and hope that he's grown/changed?
B. Leave things as they are because they can't be fixed?

Has this ever happened to any of you??

Advice Please!

Thank-you

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2006
Fri, 07-20-2007 - 3:52pm
My experience is that people don't usually change as much as they need to. You really risk reliving the same experience if you think you're going to get back together. Plus, do you really think you can trust him again? I think you're better off moving forward. It's better to not humor his curiosity.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2006
Fri, 07-20-2007 - 3:55pm
Absolutely...also it is possible he may be attempting to involve your mother as a man in the middle. I have had dealings like this with family members, though not with exs. Did your Mom and him get along well?
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2006
Fri, 07-20-2007 - 3:59pm

I read the thread, and I'm going to tell you straight:

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2003
Fri, 07-20-2007 - 4:33pm

I never wanted my mother involved in this, he called her thinking I was still living there. Both my parents disliked him very much towards the end. They accepted him because of their love for me.

I know the decision is ultimately up to me, based on how I feel and not what I expect.

I just wanted to know if anyone still had thoughts about an ex years later that just so happened to call them again.

I never expected to get so much support! Thank-you all for responding :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2006
Fri, 07-20-2007 - 5:11pm
Have your Mom call him back, tell him you don't live there and say good-bye.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2003
Fri, 07-20-2007 - 5:45pm

You are kinda confusing me?...Your prior post said to get my mother out of the middle but you've just posted that my mom should call him back?

I not getting my mother to do anything. I'm too old for that. The more I think about things, the less I feel the want/need to do anything at all.

I think hearing from him again just brought alot of the old memories back. Memories of the person I thought he was and not who he really turned out to be.

Thanks again guys!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-13-2006
Fri, 07-20-2007 - 5:50pm
I think I said to have your mother call him back IF you wanted to talk to him. If you do not, do nothing and ask her to do nothing. Sorry for the confusion.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2003
Fri, 07-20-2007 - 9:53pm

No prob.

I chose option B. I'm definitely not calling him back.

Thanks for your time and input everyone!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-2004
Sat, 07-21-2007 - 12:06pm
Your allowing yourself to get worked up over something you really don't know what's going on with him. You don't know why he's calling. But it does appear you still have a lot of feelings and emotion with him. You have to be cool and act like your life has been normal. If there is too much emotion after all these years, then move on and not talk to him. He may want to say hello and see how your doing. There might not be any love connection he wants to re-kindle, and you might be disappointed. You need to be cool, and if you want to talk to him, then do it, but make sure you realize he may not want a relationship with you. But if it took you years to get over this, then your not ready to have any type of relationship with him. You can wait, until your ready to talk to him. He called you, remember. You don't have to initiate contact, just because he did.

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