48 hours, now

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2005
48 hours, now
2
Tue, 03-29-2005 - 3:15pm

I could use some encouragement. If you read my post yesterday, you know that I broke up with my boyfriend on Sunday. The relationship didn't feel right to me anymore, and I felt like maybe I could find someone better suited for me (like, regarding career and family goals, and religious beliefs).
It's that last part I'm struggling with now, on day two of the break-up. How do I know I will find someone better suited for me?? At the time, when I decided to end it with the Ex, I told myself that I had to be comfortable with the idea that this might mean I'd be alone. Maybe forever.
But "alone" sucks! I miss his nightly phone call (we were a long-distance relationship and depended on free minutes on cell-phones to keep in touch). I miss being able to plan our next trip together. Etc. Etc.
Yeah, sure, I still believe that I'd rather be alone than be with the wrong person. Perhaps I was too hard on him though.... He was a good guy, just not "Mr. Perfect." But I can acknowledge that "Mr. Perfect" doesn't exist. So, why wasn't "good" simply "good enough."
I guess because I woke up every morning for the past couple weeks feeling like I was settling by staying with him.
But these doubts are plaguing me! Am I just plain being too picky about men????
(To remind you, he was my first love, so I'm really taking a crap shoot about what to expect in men here, anyway. Also, I should say that I'm 23 years old, and while not ready for marriage, I realize in the next couple years that could be a viable option. With the right guy. Whoever that my be. *sigh*)

~S

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2005
Wed, 03-30-2005 - 6:37pm

"I woke up every morning for the past couple weeks feeling like I was settling by staying with him."

Seriously, that's how you know. I settled with someone before my current ex (what is the term for that? ex minus one?). It seemed right at the time and the ocean was so wide and deep between us when I had the guts to say it wasn't working I have no idea what drew us together like it did other than it really seemed like a good idea at the time. Never settle for anything. Being alone does suck, but take it from me it beats the alternative by loads. Plus you get to like yourself better because of it. As for me, it was a mistake I had to make in order to remember who I really was again.It sounds like you woke up in time. Good for you!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2005
Thu, 03-31-2005 - 9:24am

You would not BELIEVE the number of times I have now heard that same advice since the break-up! From my Mom to my engaged friend to Oprah to an online radio station, EVERYONE seems to say that doubts do not (cannot) indicate a healthy relationship.
I believe I did the right thing. Who knows, maybe someday he and I will know ourselves well enough (as individuals) to be together again... although, I won't wait for him or expect him to wait for me.
For now, I'm going to focus on rebuilding who I am. And maybe look into getting a cat (the "28 Days" approach, for those of you familiar with that movie).
Thanks for your support. :o)

P.S. This is the second time I've referenced a movie plot in my postings here... I swear, I don't watch that much TV! haha