5 years, what should i do?
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| Sun, 11-28-2004 - 9:59am |
my ex and i were together for 5 years and some way along the line he propsed and i accepted. i think this was around the time that i was leaving to go to study overseas.Anyway he visited while i was there and things were pretty good. We talked everyday, sent text messages, sent emails and he wrote me tons of letters. after i returned home things went sour. I got into a fight with my father in which he told me some very hurtful things and i looked to my boyfriend for support, instead he spent the time listening and agreeing with my sister about how the whole thing was my fault and i brought it upon myself. I got angry because at that time all i wanted was some comfort from him.
The next incident was while i was at his house one night and this girl called on the phone. I told her that he was in the bath and asked if i could take a message. Anyway, the girl kept calling back on his cell phone, so i answered and she demanded to know if i was his sister and was really rude to me. I got very upset with him (I have a bad temper). He said that was his mentee. Now he had told me that he had a mentee before but he did not state that it was a girl or that she lived near to one of his favourite hang out spots. We went thru hell and back but we were trying to fix things when one night i had to use his phone and i saw a strange number in it. I asked him about it and he said that it was no one and took the phone away
i managed to get the phone and called the number and it turned out to be the number of the alleged mentee. I got so mad. I slapped him, cursed him and threw the phone away. B4 that i had made him call her. She cursed me and told him that i was stupid and all he told her that she did not have to act that way.
This time i was devastated. I told him a lot of hurtful things. I gues that was to let him feel the pain he made me feel. His friends told him to dump me. I told him that he could not stick up for me and he had no balls. We tried after that but it didnt get anywhere. Then th same thing with my sister happened again and once again i felt betrayed by him.I told him that if he loved he had to prove but he said that he loved me but he couldn't prove it. If you love someone can you show them you love them?
His excuse was that he is not good at romantic stuff. but i only wanted him to show me that he did love me anyway he chose.
He broke up with me yesterday after saying that i had him on an emotional roller coaster but he never tries to see my point of view. And you would think that after hurting me he would try to avoid doing the things that make me feel bad. I stopped telling him hurtful things and i was honest and upfront about my feelings but he never changed. The more i type, the more i feel like i may be better off without him.
Is this all my fault? i guess i was a particular miserable girlfriend with lots of family and self problems but i stuck with him thru his tough times. Is this all my fault? I am right to give up?
any comments?

omg, i know EXACTLY how you feel!
and trust me, you ARE better off without him.
if he can't show you that he loves you, and if
he can't stand up for you, why are you with him?
i'm sure he's a great person, and it probably
makes it harder because he IS a great person,
but the truth is, he just isn't right for you.
if he doesn't make you feel wonderful 100% of
the time, then he is just not good enough.
move on, forget about him in a romantic way.
i know that his friends have probably started
to paint you as an evil, psycho girlfriend, but
who really cares. YOU know how you felt about
stuff, and YOU know that you didn't mean to
come off as demanding or cruel. you have made
mistakes, as does EVERYBODY. don't let them
get you down. if he couldn't be there to
support you and stand up for you, and if that's
what you need in a boyfriend (i hope!), then
he wasn't the right guy for you. i know it's
really hard to just move on, because there's
a lot of history between you two, and a lot of
happy memories, but dwelling on the past won't
change anything...move forward. realize that
you two both changed and simply don't fit together
anymore, no matter HOW much history you have.
you are definitely better off without him.
go find someone who WILL stick up for you,
and who will show you how much he loves you
every single day. :) you deserve it!!!!
congratulations on your new single status. now
you have the opportunity to find someone worthwhile!
<333333
stay strong, sweetie, and good luck!
:)bella broken_hearted
Bella,
You sure we don't have the same ex? Like you, my ex never stood up for me. ANd it hurts so much, cause, initially, he made me so happy, and we did have good times. BUT, you and I both deserve to be in a relationship filled with love, laughter, and above all, respect and support. you'll make it hun. You ARE better off without him. I'm still at the point where I cry over him every night (it's been 3 months), but I'm hoping that once these holidays pass, I'll start to move on. Holidays are a hard time too to be going through all this. Keep your chin up, and when the chips are down, keep reminding yourself that he's a jerk, and you're better off.
hugs,
Karen
Hi Bella,
First of all...it's not your fault. So stop blaming yourself for someone else not realizing your worth and standing up for you. I know it's hard to get out of a relationship of five years...I just got out of one of four years cause he betrayed me and never stood up for me. But if you focus on the bigger picture...this time will pass. You need to stay as strong as you can and do your best to avoid him manipulating your emotions.
As for your problems with your sis,etc....everyone has these issues and they should turn to their partners for support and not feel guilty for asking for their help. So don't feel like he did the things he did to you because you had too many "issues". It's not your fault. As far as his friends go...stop caring what they think of you and if you feel they degrade you in his presence...then stop and ask yourself is this guy worth it and more importantly does he stand up for you? We know the answer to these questions...so run from your situation. Don't let the amount of time that you invested in someone be the reason that you stay by his side.
And the whole mentee stuff...I'm guessing you are in college right? First of all, a mentee who is possesive and rude to her mentor's girlfriend or even sister...BIG RED FLAG...something is off here. Is he sleeping with her? Whatever the answer to that...the reason she is acting so possesive is because he has given her reason to act that way and maybe she's psycho.
So be grateful that you're out of the situation. Leave with your head held up and don't go justifying/explaining your situation to his friends/family/etc....it's no ones business but your own. And from my own experience, I've realized keeping quiet is in your best interest. You retain your dignity. Why be everyones "soap opera"?
Do yourself the biggest favor and leave the situation. Lose your hope of things working out in the future and start living life without another person's issues or illtreatment to bring you down. Trust me, it's not easy, but I firmly believe that there must be something better in store for you.
You have been given some great advice. From your post, it sounds like your ex was the one who was not worth you. So what if you have some things to work on in your life...we all do :) That's part of being a growing person. As for the emotional rollercoaster stuff, you were emotionally responding to his lack of support. Maybe not perfectly, but again who in the world is perfect when these kind of intense things are happening with your family and in your relationship? I know how hard it is to leave someone when you've been together for so long. I left a six year relationship three months ago, and actually Karen who posted earlier was one of the first people to post back to me. The support is here, so reign in your strength and walk away from this guy. You deserve better. You really do. Just remember this hurt will heal. As mentioned, it's been three months for me and in that time I've grown so much...much much more than if I was still with my ex. Hold tight to your self respect and know everyone here supports you.
Katie