6 1/2 weeks NC!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2004
6 1/2 weeks NC!!!
4
Wed, 08-25-2004 - 9:46pm
We were together for six years, but never lived together. The relationship was based on his rules - I was his "convenient girlfriend". I stupidly went along with it for a very long time and let him string me along. What can I say, I loved the guy. But finally I decided that I better break if off before he broke it off because he found someone new. That would be a double whammy of a hurt to deal with. And it was only a matter of time before it would happen as he is a big flirt, nice looking, wealthy, has a very large social circle, and was in the bars a lot - without me. (Crazy thing is, I did trust him - but apparently shouldn't have, so I've recently heard.) I finally gathered the courage to tell him that unless he could say he loved me (he couldn't say it) and was going to commit to us (he couldn't commit to the relationship) and make me a priority in his life (yah, right), that he was not to contact me. And no, there was not going to be any friendship thing. Been there, tried that, didn't work.

That was 6 1/2 weeks ago and there has been no contact. (Yeah! Aren't ya'll proud of me?) Reading these boards has really given me strength, along with the fact that I didn't want to risk not getting a return call if I did call and leave a message. As so many of you have posted, weekends are the hardest, especially Friday and Saturday nights as I lie in bed by myself and my mind goes wild with thoughts of him with someone else at that moment. But I am trying to just take it day by day and let nature take its course and heal me. Now comes my dilemma. Our kids go to the same highschool - his son plays on the football team and my daughter is a cheerleader - I know, wierdness. Anyway, with school starting now, this is when I will run into him. He is the type who will purposely walk up to me and be all cheerful and "Hi how's it going?". Argggh. I really don't even want to be nice to him. I've heard a lot of stories about him since we broke up - how he is womanizing and hanging in the bars picking up women. Do I just walk away from him? Do I let him know what I've heard? I don't want to put on my "nice mask" for him, because it's not "all good" between us.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2003
Thu, 08-26-2004 - 6:45pm
Good for you for the No Contact.

To your questions:

::He is the type who will purposely walk up to me and be all cheerful and "Hi how's it going?". Argggh. I really don't even want to be nice to him.

You don't have to be nice, but you can be polite. "Fine, thanks. I gotta run." Then leave. Make it short.

::I've heard a lot of stories about him since we broke up - how he is womanizing and hanging in the bars picking up women. Do I just walk away from him?

It might work, unless he makes a point to chase after you and try to embarass you.

::Do I let him know what I've heard?

Nope. 1) he doesn't care, 2) it's no longer any of your business (I mean that in the nicest way) what he does or doesn't do.

::I don't want to put on my "nice mask" for him, because it's not "all good" between us.

I hear you, I can't 'fake' niceness either.


Carrie

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2004
Thu, 08-26-2004 - 8:17pm
I have to say, I WOULD put on my nice mask (and my best make-up/hair/clothing) and just be polite... no need to address anything that happened previously or subsequent to your breaking up. Be the one with class; smile and move on...
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2004
Thu, 08-26-2004 - 8:26pm
Thanks, I needed an opinion from an outside perspective. Sure, I ask my friends for advice, but they are bias and have formed their opinions. You're right, his womanizing is none of my business at this point, but I guess I am just so very disappointed in him. I really thought he grew up and it hurts that he is not the person I thought he was. I'm also rather embarrassed of my misjudgment of his character. I am just very nervous about seeing him and would really prefer not to, but it would be very hard to avoid. Knowing I'm going to run into him at these things is actually harder than enduring the no contact. At least there's no chance of rejection when there is no contact. I guess that's probably what I'm scared most of. If he's nice, I might melt and think there's hope. If he's distant-acting, I'll feel rejected. And then there's the possibility he'll bring another woman to some of these things. It's a no-win situation. Wish he would move away, far away.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2004
Thu, 08-26-2004 - 8:37pm
Seamus-

I don't know if I'll necessarily have my "nice mask" on, but I'll definitely have the hair/make-up/clothing thing going on.