6 weeks later
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| Tue, 08-14-2007 - 4:27pm |
There are so many break up boards I could not figure out which one I should post on.
6 weeks ago my bf and I of about 2 years broke up. I am having a hard time with this break up and have driven my friends crazy to the point they don't want to hear about it anymore.
Last November he was diagnosed with Stage 3 Colon Cancer. (He's 35 and I am 30 so this was a total surprise and shock). Our relationship was not going wonderfully at that time, in fact he had expressed great disatisfaction but we both agreed we wanted to work on things. A week after our talk, he was diagnosed and naturally we weren't able to do the relaional work we had agreed to. I did however, decide to be by his side.
I spent the past six months taking care of him. Radiation, chemo, surgery, anxiety you name it. His family lives far away and while they did spend a lot of time visiting him, a lot of the burden was placed on me simply because of location. I also sacrificed a lot of my own time spending the year at home with him because he's been too weak to work and too week to go out.
Six weeks ago after his surgery and before he was going to head back to work we got into a fight. For the first time in months we were able to really communicate about our relationship.
I thought this meant that we were going to work on things but the next day he said "I have cancer I can't spend my time on this and I need space until I am done with treatment." He had done this to me twice before the cancer and I just felt like I could not take it anymore. So in a moment of anger I told him that even if he was sick I could not be treated this way anymore.
I had a total and complete meltdown. Because I spent the whole year focussing on him I was in shock and upset. I'm feeling better now, in the sense that I am not crying every other day but all I want to do is be with him, call him. I can't stop thinking about how I could have been better, less emotional, less needy.
If anyone has any tips on how to stop obsessing about the past, i would love to hear it.

hi,
kudos to you for doing such an admirable thing (i don't think i could've done it) but KUDOS!!!!
tips for getting over a break-up...
every time you find yourself thinking of him IMMEDIATELY try to focus on something else.
the first 10 mins of the morning, look in the mirror and say everything to the mirror that you want to say to him/relationship about him or the relationship and after 10 mins are up regroup and focus on your day. ONLY ALLOW HIM 10 MINS OUT OF OUT YOUR DAY!
everytime you feel the need to call him - call a girl friend instead or post on this board (i can't tell you how instrumental this board was when my ex and i had been dating for 5 yrs and then broke-up).
stop IDEALIZING him. he was not the perfect man/partner if he was he wouldn't have done this to you.
reach out to friends, family, church for support in your time of need.
you CAN get thru this. it won't happen overnight but trust the pain that you feel in your heart/head will pass. in 6 mths you'll look back on this experience and say to yourself MAN HOW DID I GET THRU/OVER THAT? as time goes by so will the pain.
don't be afraid to go thru the motions (sad, angry, depressed, lonely) it really is a healing process and you can't heal unless you go thru the process.
all of the methods mentioned above i have personally used and though at the time i was skeptical i thought the clouds weren't ever going to go away but the y did and i'm much stronger as a result and you will be to!
keep your head up.
ravishing
Welcome to the board