6 years...what do I do.
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6 years...what do I do.
| Wed, 11-29-2006 - 8:52pm |
I recently broke up with my fiance, we were together for 6 years. The road has been a really bumpy one and this isnt the first tme that he has broken my heart everytime he promises to change. This time I move in and we lived together for over a year and things were wonderful so we got engaged and decided to start our lives together. A few weeks ago I noticed that things just didnt seem right, he wanted to spend less and less time with me. Didnt seem interested in anything going on in my life or anything that I had to say. This seemed to start after an argument we had one weekend over his wanting to go to strip club with his friends. I was upset by him asking me to do this because it felt like he didnt respect me. After that he said he didnt know if he wanted to be with someone that didnt trust him, it wasnt a trust thing at all...anywho, after that he became more and more distant. the quality time that we had together was next to nothing, on his days off it was usually ok im going here do you want to go or stay home? He seemed totally un interested in me. As time went on I became more and more frustrated wondering what was wrong. I tried to talk to him about it and he just blew it off. I guess I should mention here that It also became hard to get him to do anything in the house, he mostly just sat around playing video games, he didnt pick up after himself or do anything to help me (I work full time and attend class full time). This too became increasingly frustrating to me. I again tried to talk to him and he blew that off too. So after a while I became what he called "bitchy". As this happened he was home less and less talked to me less and less...just seemed more distant. So I asked him if we could work things out come to some middle ground. I was promptly told that I was the one in the wrong and I had to change he hadnt done anything wrong. And I was also told that I shouldnt have anything to say about what he does. He refused to come to any kind of a middle ground so things finailly errupted and he told me to leave his house. A house that I was helping to pay for, put money into to fix up and bills that were in my name. I dont know exactly how I feel at the moment, Very hurt, Lonley,Angry and homesick. The holidays dont make it any easier, I started to wonder maybe if I had just kept my mouth shut I wouldnt be in this situation. Maybe it would have worked itself out. Thats what he told me, if I had stopped griping it would have gotten better. I guess I just felt like I was the only one putting any effort into the relatonship, I was giving and he was only taking. I wont say I was perfect, I wasnt by any means. But I was willing to work with him on it and come to a conclusion we could both live with. He wouldnt even admit there were things he needed to look harder at about himself. I dont really know how to feel, I cant stop crying and feeling totally empty. I get physically ill sometimes, always fatigued and I always have a sick feeling. I dont know how to make this feel even the slightest bit better. Any words of wisdom will be appriciated. Thanks.

Sounds like you're better off without him. After six years, the relationship has pretty much ran its' course. I know it's difficult now but you'll get through it. He's already shown you his true colors so if it were an option, I wouldn't go back to him.
Keep busy. Do things that you wanted to do but couldn't because you were living with signifanct other. Travel, go on a shopping spree, get a manicure, a massage, anything that will pamper yourself. Whatever you do, do not contact him. He's made his choice when he asked you to leave. There are brighter days ahead.
It takes two to make it work and clearly he's not interested. Keeping your mouth shut would not have made this better. He said over time it would have, well how much time are we talking, 2 days, 2 weeks, 2 months or 2 years? From what you wrote, he was pulling a way in a big way, this wasn't just a little - the book Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus talks about the 'rubberband' thing guys go through and the cave thing, but your guy wasn't just going into his cave to hide and think awhile, he was activly seeking out the company of his friends and using strip clubs as a distraction, not to mention the continual escape via video games. Worse, he's blaming you, didn't and doesn't care about your feelings and needs.
So enough about him, what do you want to do? What will make you feel better? Going home? Asking him for partial payment back on the money you've invested into his place? Letting go, knowing that he's got issues he's not addressing or dealing with?
Dr Phil talks about how couple's need to take time to find out their partner's needs and to help getting those needs met. His book Relationship Rescue is a good one.
Sorry you have to go through this. Hopefully, someone will have some good advice for you.
Edited 11/30/2006 3:01 pm ET by itwinflame
Carrie
I am sorry to hear about the situation you are going through. It sounds very much similiar to the last relationship I was in before I found the right guy who I knew all along.
It sounds like the guy you were with checked out of the relationship along time ago and was using you to make sure all ends meet and any other benefits of a relationship. Its really hurtful to have to think that way but many guys are really horrible in relationships.
I would really reccomend you try not to bottle up how your feeling and find people you can talk to and ventyour feelings. Great way to begin healing is to be able to release what your feeling. You do need to do whatever is possibleto avoid him though as he will just try and hurt you further.
Just dont lose heart the right person is out there somewhere for you. Near or far you will find them and youll find the happiness. Just dont give up and you will be ok just dont fall into a relationship for the sake of one and for the sake of revenge or fall back cause your hurting. You can always contact me if you want to talk.
Ok this is an old one ;-) I remember when I posted this...and can recall how I was feeling. Just as an update in case anyone is interested, I did move on, finish school and got married to a man that I have a great relationship...but it has been a long road...My hope is that if anyone going through what I was back in 05 reads this they will see that there is hope after a bad relationship and "brighter days are ahead" as one person replied thanks guys! :-)
I remember your original post... I'm so glad you found happiness!!!