7 Months After a Hard Breakup

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-04-2005
7 Months After a Hard Breakup
1
Fri, 10-07-2005 - 2:55pm

Hello Everyone,

I just wanted to kind of cheer you up with my “breakup story”

I can understand that most of you probably are sad due to the fact that your breakups are still recent. You are probably still crying and wondering what went wrong!

Believe it or Not, I was in your same situation 7 months ago! It was a really, really bad breakup – I went through major depression, anxiety disorder, I had a couple of panic attacks. I hated myself for him rejecting me. He molded me, as he wanted then dumped me without any consideration. I was there for him. I supported him in everything he did – I gave him my love, respect, everything and everything else.

He didn’t care about that when he said – I’m not ready for anything serious!

4 weeks later I found out he had a serious girlfriend – I did not want to make a big deal out of it – I agreed to be “friends” Yeah right! That’s not possible – I always thought it was possible until I was there to actually experience “friendship with the ex” Nope… Not possible – Not a good Idea! – The only way to learn from a relationship is to apply the “no contact” rule. It is in fact the only way to get the chance to make a healthy analysis of what’s there to learn!

3 months after our breakup – I found out he was engaged – I was so…. Mad, disappointed, and really resentful – At the same time! It was weird – it was like a relief – That was it! No more hopes!

I’m sharing a little bit of what happened – so you know that you will be okay! Let the time take care of it!

This morning – 7 months after our brake up – I woke up eager to start a new day, I drove my sister to work… we were joking, laughing, enjoying our FRIDAY! It’s just amazing! I was as sad as you are right now! I thought I was never to going to be here… Actually talking about it – like if nothing ever happened – “hi my ex-boyfriend of 4 years – decided to end the relationship, because he was not ready for commitment – 3 months later he was engaged with someone else” Sucks I know!

Think about all the good things you have! It’s probably easy for me to say it now that I’m not in your situation anymore! I was not able to see how lucky I am of having job, having a family that supports me and love me, friends that are always being there for me! – I was not able to see all these things! We take the more valuable things for granted!

Whatever your situation was with your ex-boyfriend! – If he was not the one – he was not the one! – Nothing, Nothing will make him stay with you!

Life is not that complicated – we make it complicated!

Ladies, Trust Me – You’ll be fine! And hopefully soon you realized that things do happen for a reason – even if you don’t know why – YET!

GOD BLESS YOU ALL

M.C.A

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2005
Sun, 10-09-2005 - 3:55am

Thank you so much for giving the lighter side. Even though you are no longer crippled by the pain of a breakup you took the time to post an encouraging message for those of us who are. I think finding out that my ex was engaged that quickly after our breakup would send me over the edge but I have to agree that in some rights it would initiate closure by closing the door on 'hope'. It has been over two months since my breakup and I still hold out hope. I keep telling myself that he is just confused or he doesn't know what he is doing. I want to wait because I keep thinking he will open his eyes and realize that he does want to have a life with me.

After spending 3 years with someone it is difficult to re-train your heart the feel differently about someone. It is hard to redefine what you thought you had to what you actually had. If his love was as deep as mine (which is what he made me believe) then by all rights I would not be sitting on heartbreak row. I can't find closure and I can't make sense of what happened. I think in time when I am able to look back with a clear head I will see everything that was clearly the calm before the storm. I just want to be able to breathe again and to not feel consumed by thoughts of my ex. As the weeks go on I am faced with new hurdles and each one sets me back just a little bit. I am sure that he has already been with someone else, whether it was a one night stand or a little romance. That was a hurdle that I did not expect to have to jump this soon after our breakup and it really set me back. All the ground I had gained was all of a sudden lost. I am struggling to maintain my dignity and pride through all of this because I have been very impulsive lately and have made bad decisions as result. I keep contacting him periodically and all it does is open the wound back up.