The 8 year Yo Yo

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2002
The 8 year Yo Yo
6
Sun, 04-06-2014 - 10:15pm

I have been in an on again off again relationship for over 8 years now. He and I were so crazy in love in the begining but even then we had one very big problem..........Communication. I want to make this as brief as possible, so, back in August he broke up with me, something stupid, lack of communication, always something very stupid.  We did not talk again until October, he blew my phone up with calls and texts, emails, he just wanted me back, told me how he didnt want to be without me, how he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me, I reluctantly went back, I say that because this is not the first break up and I am so tired of being hurt. When we are together everything is great, we have the same interest, the same sense of humor, we really get along very well. Anyway, he broke up with me again 4 weeks ago, I had absolutley had it this time, I was so,so angry that I let him do this to me again that I took a position with my company in another state, 800 miles away. The last time he and I spoke was when I had to go by his house to pick up money from him because he sold my refridgerator for me, 4 weeks ago, at that time he asked me if I took the job and I said yes, nothing else was said, I got in my car and drove off. Im leaving this weekend, havent heard a word from him. I would also like to add that two years into this relationship he got down on one knee and ask me to marry him, I said no, and told him that neither of us were ready for it at that time,  this too was after one of our break ups. As I am writing this I just thought of something, it seems that when he decides to break up with me is when one of us has had something else going on in our world that has made us aggrevated, tense, out of sorts and then bam..........He breaks up. And everytime he does this he goes on vacation with a buddy, frequents the local bar, you get my drift. This time I feel that it probably is truly over, especially with me moving away, but the thing is, I dont think this man could or would ever commit to me.  I think that this would just keep happening over and over and my heart just can not take it! I also believes that he does love me to some degree, maybe that is all he is capable of. I dont know, Im just really tired and really hurt. I would also like to add that Im not leaving because of him, I stayed here because of him, Im leaving because I have always wanted to live there, the opportunity is there and obviously this relationship is not. I just cant help but think that he is going to regret this decision, and that hurts me even more!  I just can not believe that he wouldnt pick up the phone and say goodbye to me after an 8 year relationship.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2009
Sun, 04-06-2014 - 11:37pm

You can't believe he didn't say goodbye?  He probably can't believe that you're leaving town!  Communication isn't that hard, and whatever his problem is, it's not communication or lack thereof.  I'm sure you've heard the definition of "crazy"......it's doing the same thing over and over and over and over, and each time you expect a different result.  You've had the same result every time now!  Don't you think that's enough?  when a couple breaks up, there's a reason.  And if the reason isn't fixed, there's no point in trying again.  Maybe you had it backwards.  Everytime he wanted to go on a vacation with his buddy, he broke up with you.  Once the vacation was over, and the bar hopping didn't turn up anyone better than you, then he decided he couldn't live without you.  Breaking up is never easy, even after numerous breakups, but the sooner you realize that you wasted 8 years of your life on this loser, the better off you'll be.  Good luck in your new position, and moving on with your life. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Mon, 04-07-2014 - 4:33pm

Maybe he feels that he said goodbye when you came by to get the money and there is nothing more to say.  I think after 8 yrs of having this roller coaster relationship, you are right that it's not going to change and you should just give it up.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2002
Mon, 04-07-2014 - 7:14pm

Thank you for your response, Sometimes we need to hear common sense from someone else :)

 

Thanks Again!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-09-2014
Tue, 04-08-2014 - 4:38pm

Moving away is the best thing that could happen to you right now. Its been 8 years of back and forth and you have to make a decision and stick to it now. You are not an object that he puts on the shelf and when he gets bored he reaches out to play with it again. Since he's so indecisive you have to take the initiative, self evaluate yourself and see in your heart if leaving is what will make you happy. You have to live for now, this moment is all that you have. Don't allow him to steal 8 more of your years with his back and forth. Look at his actions and don't look for a goodbye....things were over a long time ago, you just didn't realize it. Wishing you the best sweety! Sending you hugs.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-09-2007
Tue, 04-08-2014 - 5:02pm
Communication is the #1 most important aspect of a relationship and especially when married. IF it's been 8 years and you both haven't gotten the communication down pat yet, then it's time to call it a day in my opinion. You'll just go on wasting so much time when time and life are so precious. You have to cut your losses and move on. Learn how to identify communication issues earlier...I hope this has helped and taught you a lot. We can only learn from these past relationships.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-13-2014
Tue, 04-22-2014 - 3:17am

Hi there, just a short note to see how you are?  Have things changed at all and how are you feeling today.

I do hope you have a positive day today, one day at a time, I am trying too! x