9mths preg and broke up with him, help
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9mths preg and broke up with him, help
| Sun, 12-19-2004 - 4:19am |
We were military, dated/good friends for 2+ years; love inspired us to keep the thing going and go to college and get a place. I agreed, we are 22/23 what do we have to lose? But I got preg and he wanted an abortion, I chose life. For a while he was ok, but after we sep the miltary,we agreed to both move w/fam to work and save for our plans,our baby. This put him 3 hours away, and the b.s. began. He began by not attending any of my appointments and not returning phone calls. When I would want to talk, because I missed him, he complained that he didn't like talking on the phone. But he had every excuse why he could only manage to visit every 4-5wks or so. I also got caught up in a dispute, because I gather that his mom doubts it is his baby, and advises him to not move here as planned, but to get his own place, job and let me move there when I am ready; but he was supposed to move here. I started getting depressed, I realized I was screwed at like month 5, and started crying like everyday. This upset my fam and all they do is bad mouth him whenever they like. I tried to be positive, but it is hard when he is not supportive, his fam is shady, my fam is vocally upset, and I am scared to death..2 last straws: After I spent over 700 on baby items and had my shower, we agreed he would get what was left, total only 200.He only followed this promise up by saying, buy it and I will pay you back later!! Then later told me that he was getting his own place, the final betrayal. I thought: he is going to leave me, the woman he so called loves more than life, carrying his child in her daddy's house to scap it up and move out when she can manage and to raise this baby alone; while he partners up with a buddy to do whatever? He is going to pay me back when he was surely rolling in dough to pay me to get rid of it, but suddenly to broke to get what she needs?(OH I WAS HEATED!)I told him I would like to talk to him, but he blew me for 3days :he needed to take care of him mom, his sister was in from overseas, and finally he opted to watch the game instead..I calmly told him that I was tired of him playing me, and that he didn't deserve me. That whatever I had to say doesn't matter now because, since he wasn't comming to be with me, why bother with any of this? Obviously he doesn't want a future with me because all of what he planned to do with me, he renigged on and plans only for himself, and I don't matter to him. I told him to please send the money I requested to buy the last of what the baby needs and to not call or come by, and that we should just move on from here. He said nothing and I hung up the phone he has not attempted to contact me since, but his mother has called 3 times, I answered the last..Apparently he arranged to bring his sister down to meet me, and I felt guilted into allowing her to come. I teamed up with my sister and we set it up to be a girl day, but I feel so much animosity towards him even being in the city and I need to know how to deal with this since I will have to eventually, right?

Wow. That sucks. Have you thought about giving your baby up for adoption into a loving two parent home? One where the mom and dad love each other and are a part of it's life every day? One with stability?
Can you handle being a single mom? Having to take your X to court for child support? Dealing with his uninvolvement with your child, having to look into it's heartbroken little face and explain why daddy isn't there? To have to sacrifice everything for your child? How are you going to support yourself and this child?
You are in an impossibly tough situation. Heck, to say tough situation is a gross understatement. Either road you chose is going to be heartbreaking and damn near impossible, so you really only have the choice of picking the road best for the child. If you were the child what would you rather have?
Just some things to think about.
Your ex doesn't want a future because it is not the way he envisioned it. But it's time to put the grown-up undies on and deal with it. He was mature enough to get into a long-term relationship with you and make a career choice of the military/college. Life does not always turn out the way we want it to, but he has to make the best of it. Stick to your guns for the child's sake, and he will come around. Don't let his negative side (apprehension, guilt, fear) win over his more positive qualities (commitment, maturity, reason). Take care of yourself in your own struggles, but make him responsible for his own.
As to the paternal grandmother and sister: you KNOW who the father is. Don't let her denial affect you. If all goes well, and the father comes around, you will be dealing with his family for a long time (again, for the child's sake). Who knows, the sister may offer more support than you know.
Being pregnant, the hormones are making you emotional. This doesn't help the situation any, but don't let it overwhelm you. You want what is best for your child, and you are strong enough to get through it. Count on your family to help you through the rough times.
Mimiche