abandoned

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2004
abandoned
9
Wed, 06-27-2007 - 1:32pm

hi. i'm new to this board, but thought i'd post this message.....just so i wouldn't feel so desperately alone. my boyfriend of 15+ years revealed to me last night that he had slept with someone else....i knew at one time that he had been seeing this other person, but, nevertheless, believed him when he said they were "just friends." i feel so incredibly stupid and cannot stop crying at work (which is bad)....i just need and would very much appreciate some words of advice....i feel so alone, abandoned and useless....i wish i could just die. sorry to be such a burden and basketcase on my first posting.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: welshgirl2004
Wed, 06-27-2007 - 2:35pm

welshgirl2004...

No apologies necessary.

Pianoguy knows how you're feeling since he has been through some unhappy long-term relationships too!

It's sad to discover that you've been betrayed by someone you trusted and loved..but SADLY, this happens!

This is the time when your friends and family members should rally around and support you!
And I'll bet you'll discover you have more than you could possibly imagine?

As for the EX---"what goes around (usually) comes around!"

Having said this...try and cheer up a little...okay???

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2004
In reply to: welshgirl2004
Wed, 06-27-2007 - 2:40pm

thank you, pianoguy, for your kind words....

welshgirl

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2004
In reply to: welshgirl2004
Wed, 06-27-2007 - 3:06pm

Hi welshgirl,

It will get better. Things always happen for a reason, maybe the reason this happened was so you could clear your life of an unhealthy relationship to make room for the right one.

Whether you stay or go, there's a light at the end of the tunnel.

anonymous
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2004
In reply to: welshgirl2004
Wed, 06-27-2007 - 3:55pm

..it is just so awfully hard in the evenings....the lonesomeness and despair of something just feeling like it's been ripped out of your heart...how long does it take before that feeling subsides or does it...? what do i do in the meantime in the hours just after work? i'm sorry..i don't mean to be such a pain, but....i know it's going to be hard for me to not pick up the phone and call him and......i really do NOT want to do that...

thank you all for all the support.

Welsh

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2007
In reply to: welshgirl2004
Wed, 06-27-2007 - 5:23pm
Did this happen a while ago in your relationship,or recently? My response would be based on a little more specifics as to when/how/why
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2004
In reply to: welshgirl2004
Wed, 06-27-2007 - 5:29pm

....actually, this has happened several times in the past 2 years, but i have always believed him when he said he wasn't sure what he wanted, just give him a little space, he loved me, but......, all the familiar break-up phrases, i'm afraid. i know i'm acting immature and i'm trying very hard to be tough, but i feel like a bomb has just been dropped on my head. everything we discussed, all the plans we made for the future was all just a lie, i guess.....he has cheated on me in the past and i guess i should have seen it coming or listened to people when they told me he'd do it again. i just feel so shocked, stupid and betrayed that i can't even think straight....and i need to get over this..how do you simply let go of a relationship that has lasted so many years without it causing a few tears, though?

thanks,

Welsh

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2007
In reply to: welshgirl2004
Wed, 06-27-2007 - 5:39pm

Please don't beat yourself up. I am going thru the same thing, although my relationship was only 2.5 years- and 15 years is a large part of your lifetime. I am learnign to forgive and move on, and I worry about being in your place. But you are not immature or stupid. You made a choice to take him back and forgive him- because that is the person you are. You can't control the person he turned out to be and he doesn't deserve you.

Hold your head high and know that you did nothing wrong; walk away with the knowledge that you were a great girlfriend who gave a sucky guy too many chances; learn from this and know that there is a guy out there who not only deserves you, but will appreciate that he deserves you adn treat you like such.

You have invested a long time in this relationship but you are not stupid. It happens to so many of us- every experience we have is a lesson in life. You will get thru this and your lesson will make you stronger. Give it time and think about counseling if you are really having tough days and no one to talk to...but everyone on this board has been so supportive with me, I'm sure you will find the same.

If you have any advice for any of us that are taking back someone who cheated, and things to watch for, I know at least I would really appreciate that.

Good luck and keep us posted, we are here for you ((hugs))

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2004
In reply to: welshgirl2004
Mon, 07-02-2007 - 1:13pm

thank you! i don't know why, but it helps so much when i post on this board and makes me feel like i'm not the only one whose heart is broken and still breaking. last thursday was my birthday. it was a great birthday until "he" (i will not even dignify him by calling him by name-ha!) called at 6 am to wish me happy birthday and invite me up (he lives out-of-town) to his house for the weekend, dinner, etc. so, of course, my mood immediately jumped up into the heavens (i make mySELF sick!) and everything was so gloriously wonderful again just because he called! angels were singing, birds were chirping.....yuk at myself!! anyway, i went to his house....just so predictable to him, i'm sure...anyway, there he was...waiting on me with a glass of merlot...you know the rest of the story....at the end of the miserable birthday weekend, i still had to drive home-crying most of the 20+ miles.....he said, 'he didn't know what he wanted....' and 'i don't love you like i used to.....' so......now, here i am getting over it for another round......except......i have lost a little bit more self respect, dignity and self-confidence.....and he has a big smile on his face from the sexual activity that he got out of the deal.....i know.....when will i ever learn.....to not answer his phone calls even when i want to so badly..i wish he'd just fall off the face of the earth...i feel just like i was set up. why and how can he be so mean and cruel ? sorry for this digusting post....i am rolling my eyes right along with everyone else....forgive me, but don't abandon me, K?

Welshgirl

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2007
In reply to: welshgirl2004
Mon, 07-02-2007 - 3:37pm

Ok...hold your head up high! You are a better person than he is making you feel. You don't deserve the treatment he is putting you through

From a lot of posts I have read over the last few months, it is always recommended no contact at all after a breakup. I can't say I have taken that advice either, but in my situation it is my decision whether I take him back or not- I am in your boyfriends shoes not sure how I feel anymore.

At the same time though I am not playing games with his emotions. Your ex knows exactly how to get to you- and since he does, I think you should read many of the posts and recommendations on books to read to deal with the breakup.

Don't let him win, he has total control over your feelings right now and that is not right. You have the strength to overcome this- stand up for yourself. Don't take his calls and under no circumstances should you see him again. He has made it clear he doesn't know how he feels anymmore...so show him that he is not worthy of your attention.

Only then can he learn to miss you and see what he has lost.

Good luck...let us know how you are doing, we all know its one of the hardest things to do but everyone here will support you!