About NC??

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-16-2005
About NC??
3
Tue, 08-16-2005 - 7:16pm


Hi, I'm new here, bf recently broke up with me saying that his feelings had faded and the chemistry was no longer there. He cried and apologised for hurting me, and said that he still wants to stay in contact because he cares for me alot? Is this just something that guys say to make themselves and you feel better at the time, or do some really want to be friends with you after?

If I get to the point where I could be ok with being friends and calling each other once in a while, is it up to him to initiate the call, or me? It's only been a week, and there's been no contact at all either way as of yet.

Just wondering what any of your experiences (good or bad) have been with something like this.

Thanks- Katy

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: katydid70
Tue, 08-16-2005 - 7:53pm

Some really do want to be friends.

I would say that if he's a gentleman, he will leave you alone until you've had a chance to get over him. So it's up to you to initiate contact once you're ready to be friends.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-25-2004
In reply to: katydid70
Tue, 08-16-2005 - 10:31pm
some guys really do want to be friends- and some just say it to be nice. you know him pretty well im assuming.. and women are pretty good at reading guys and knowing if they are lying and giving us BS or not (we are also good at denying it and rationalizing it to what we want it to be.. but deep down in our hearts- we know whats up). if you think that in the future you do want to be friends with him, the best way to have a chance with that, from personal experience, is to continue NC. if you try to be friends too soon, you will only end up fighting and being upset that youre not together and continue to get hurt, he will get mad... etc. I also think that since he ended the relationship, the balll is now in your court to to start up a friendship, so dont rush it and do it before you are ready. if he comes back into the picture before you are OK with it, do not hesitate to tell him you need more time. If he is a good guy, he will understand and step away. if he doesnt understand, well you are better off without him as your bf and friend. just continue with the NC and know that now you have the control to say if you want him in your life or not. and congrats- you made it through the first week of NC... thats always the hardest in my opinion. it all gets easier from here.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-20-2005
In reply to: katydid70
Tue, 08-30-2005 - 4:13pm
She's right. The first week of NC is really tough. It's been 10 days now and my heart no longer skips a beat when my house phone (which doesn't have caller ID) rings. I had told him once upon a time that I couldn't be "just friends" with him because I love him too much. He told me that he could not live without me being in his life and if it took making me angry and being yelled at, he would still have contact with me, that I couldn't get rid of him that easily. Well, he hasn't called in 10 days and I no longer wonder if he will. I have been able to live my life without wondering if it's him when the phone rings. It only gets easier from here and trust me, if you two can be friends, it will happen when it's time. A long time ago when I was way too young to date this same guy was my "boyfriend" and when we broke up then we didn't speak for two weeks. It was just awkward. We went to church together and everybody in our Sunday school knew the tension between us. Then, it just kind of dissolved and we were best friends for almost 2 years before we got together romantically about 3 1/2 years ago. Sometimes you can be friends, just make sure you're over him before you make that step. If you're not completely over him, you probably won't be able to handle contact with him and you'll just end up hurt.
Sorry to ramble, I've got my Physics HW on the brain, just took a quick break to read a few posts! :)
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