Abrupt Break Up

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2004
Abrupt Break Up
Sun, 12-05-2004 - 10:02pm

Hello,

I am writing in hope of getting some unbiased support in a very hard time I have been going through since my break - up with the recent boyfriend. Here is some facts that make it so very hard for me:
1 The affair was with my long term friend ,

2 We both have the same friends although they are not numerous but quite important in this particular situation which i will explain later,

3 We are both artists and inevitably we are going to meet at some preview or a gallery

4 We both have bisexual issues but i have changed my "gear" back to straight while he said openly hes gay

5 The affair caused a total confusion in my life

Reason for breake up:

After spending night at my place I did not allow time for him to call me. Instead i initiated a series of text messages which he replied to with warmth and kindness and i started getting frustrated.

He was the one who initiated the affair but after the night we spent together he told me i was sex starved which hurted me to the bone cos i did not want to go to bed with him in the first place. In bed he admitted he was dreaming of me for weeks. ( since the day we walked in the rain under the same umbrella for the whole day ) I also started dreaming of him but just before the night he told me he was gay and i got hurt and confused yet carried on with the idea of relationship despite the conflicting feelings which was very wierd as i guess my brain had not made adjustment to a new situation then.

He told me he had slept with a friend of mine who has been my lover but that it did not work out cos she could not kiss him well or sth.

The girl in question used to be my lover on "on and off" basis but i did not want to be her lover since i realized how intrusive she became in terms of my family matters and that she loves to spread gossip which in effect is very demaging in my work.

He told me that the girl in question told him that she had never slept with me and that i asked her out and that she had denied me which is an absolute fabrication as in fact she is the one who has been keen all the time and i lost interest long time ago as this just a phase and we only kissed.

After that night that we spend together he has not called only aswered my texts.

After a week I had a pregnancy scare which made me freak out completely.

I pictured myself as a single mum with a gay dad who does not live up to his responsibilities.

Having already all other confusing thoughts about the whole relationship that frankly was very far from ideal the pregnancy scare made me extremely confused and unhappy.

He did not call even once . In response to his text about mixing some paints i said"Mixing colours comes naturally to me just as asking a friend 'how are you' Speak to you around 19th of November."Ithought he must have been a total dummy not to get the message.
He did not call and claimed later that he thought i went away till the 19th. After 19th my situation with pregnancy went to normal and i abruptly broke off with him with lots of anger after he said " Sorry i did not call but men are bastards"

I became very abusive verbally to him as i felt extremely exhausted by the whole thing and distressed.

He has sincerely apologized and even cried.

I still do not want to see him ever again but i also think about him all the time.

Please help me!