Acted out yesterday/Dumped 5 mo.ago
Find a Conversation
| Sun, 03-23-2008 - 9:31am |
Happy Easter to all.
Long story short:I was dumped 5 months ago, after a 4 yr. relationship, in which I was lead to believe was heading towards marriage as he flew to Boston after 1 1/2 yrs. & bought expensive engagement ring. I had a hard time w/ NC, went into therapy, went on Zoloft. Zoloft helped me tremendously w/ NC and obsessing about break up. I went off of the Zoloft about 2 weeks ago, but am still in therapy.
SInce we have yet to resolve the cell phone issue, I called him yesterday. WE had a conversation and I said for him to go to the SPrint store on Monday, and PLEASE get his own account in his name, under his credit, or I will have to stop the phone service. Sprint has made so many errors, his # is on a separate account, under MY credit.
WE started talking(huge mistake), I could not control myself. I asked him about his "internet affairs". He explained he goes on Yahoo chat & does not give real info, but then girls ask for his phone # to talk and he give them his landline #, so I do not see the calls on his cell. I advised him this is dangerous as his land line # is listed, and these people can find out anything about him, including location w/a phone #.
Then he told me we would never get back together, I asked why. Then I told him he was not right for me as the right guy for me would not do what he did, and we would still be together. I asked if he misses me(bad question), he replied he did, but not our fighting. He said we could not communicate well, so I added he speaks in "riddles" while I am to the point. He stated he speaks like this in every situation, vaque

Hi seachells,
Happy Easter to you too!
If you felt that the Zoloft was helping you, in combination with the therapy, there is certainly no harm in that! You need to do what is healthiest for you right now. And, as far as contacting him and engaging in relationship talks, it was a mistake and everyone makes them. You had a setback; now what are you going to do from here?...
If you must contact him again about the cell phone thing, I would do so in writing or time yourself on the phone (so that you do not get caught up in talking about other things). Don't waste your time trying to show him that he is wrong; he is obviously the type of person who needs to find that out on his own and will just end up resenting you more for it. I think you should talk to Sprint yourself, and threaten legal action because he should not have been allowed to open an account with your info. This happened to me once with sprint and a friend of a friend a long time ago, and I was able to switch it to her name and info and off of mine just by explaining the situation.
On the aside, your story sounds much like mine in that we knew each other and were dating for 5 1/2 yrs and were in a committed relationship (ie living together) for 3. He is also on my cell plan. No engagement ring, altho we talked about buying a house together, and getting married and starting a family one day. We just uprooted our lives last year and moved over 100 miles away and bought furniture, joined a gym, signed a lease, etc...all things that say he was in it for the long haul (he even talked about our future children a few hours before he broke it off!) But, he just decided to get with another woman...he had previously chatted with girls or texted girls but never seriously. I can trace back his attitude change to the day he met "her". So, believe me, I know how you feel. And, I have tried many times to convince him to change his ways before, during, and after this. It doesnt work- I only come across looking more needy/ clingy/ whiny/ whatever other thing looks unattractive that he can use to justify his leaving me.
*sigh* We are in the same boat...contact me if you feel like talking again.
*hugs*~Liz~
Thanks Liz!
I have spent numerous hours on the phone w/ Sprint. Back in February, I "thought" they were doing the switch over the phone, as the Spring supervisor placed me on hold to speak w/ ex. But I found out on Tuesday, it was done incorrectly. That day, MY birthday, I was on the phone w/ SPrint in excess of 4 hours, speaking to supervisor after supervisor. Yesterday I called again, and they read my lengthy file, and stated they were referring me to the Fraud Dept. Call was switched to "financial dept.". AT least the both begin w/ the letter "f".
I have the FCC's phone number in refernce to complaints, and at this point, my little fingers are quite tempted to dial it.
I know/knew I should not be engaging in those topics w/him. I realize it made me seem more unstable, and justified his decision even more, in his mind.
I really want to try to deal w/this w/o the Zoloft as it causes more physical problems for me. But if I cannot, I will go back on for a few months.
I need to realize that he just does not understand me, never did, and was never willing to, no matter what he said or did. He thinks that vague & general comments are acceptable in a committed relationship, as he speaks in this manner w/ everyone else. Well I am not everyone else, and since he never knew that, he was not right for me.
This person acts "holier than thou", he also acts as if he is from Italian Royalty (he was born in Italy), I am half Italian. Yet he came to my family's holiday functions, ate, and even took food home. He acted as if my family were beneath him, and I called him on that while we were dating. He used my family as he wanted to break up w/ me 18 months prior than he did, so the last 18 months, all of the things we did, every time he spent time w/ my family, was a farce, and he used them as well as me. I find this to be discpicable.
Hugs,
Michelle
seachells
Seachells, *hugs*
My therapist once told me that my ex could probably recieve all the therapy in the world and still never be fixed from the description I gave him. lol. He's made a career out of going to jail, having no job, and using people. I wasted 4 years of my life on that too. How sad...In the end we live and learn. If zoloft is bothering your leg, maybe you could try effexor xr, it works wonders for me. Like you, I'd like to do this without medication, but now that I've been on it for so long, I'm worried...So... I need some more time. Then I'll try going off it. Take care sweetie, itll be okay in the end, I promise! BIG HUG!
Hi seachells...
Hi Marcie-
I am not a physician, but can tell you my experience w/ antidepressants. When I first was placed on them, the only SSRI's on the market were Prozac, Zoloft, and something else. I did not want Prozac, so I chose Zoloft. I was diagnosed w/ Major depression, so I went on Zoloft, with a lot of apprehension. It never made me happier, it just took the things which were upetting me & in my mind constantly, and "put" them in the periphery. For instance they were no longer in my field of vision, but I knew they were there. I also was in "talk therapy" which helped me as well.
When I was 32 I was diagnosed w/ an unusual neurlogical disease, in which my left quad muscles are always in contraction, making it very difficult to walk. This upset me greatly, so we tried almost every antidepressant out there. All of the SSRI's made my leg cramp up more, so I could not use them. Nothing else helped w/ the depression, so I just did not take anything.
But when this break up occurred & I could not do NC, I knew it was time to either have my leg hurt & limp while doing NC, or continue hurting myself w/ contacting ex. SO I chose to have my leg hurt. I had Zoloft from before, and my neurologist does not know I did this, but I will advise her on my next visit. I figured it was worth the leg pain & limping to gain control over my self. Once it kicked in, I had no trouble w/ NC, because he was out of my thoughts, I did not care why it happened, and focused on me. I decided to go off of it 2 weeks ago, and I have fallen backwards in my healing.
Now in saying all of this, every antidepressant works differently for each person. There are also side effects, and w/ the SSRI's lack of interest in sex is a huge one, I do not care what any psychiatrist tells you. I dated briefly a psych resident, and he told me he taked Prozac in the PM, and
seachells