How indeed. Well, for starters, everytime you start thinking of that you tell yourself out loud, "NO!" Physically shake your head in order to release the image from your mind. It's amazing how effective that is.
You start to fill your mind with other things, such as plans you have for yourself, for your future, for the summer, for a friend, for anything, but start actively focusing on other things.
Also, take a yoga class. You may think it's unrelated to your situation, but you'd be surprised at how relaxed you will learn to be, and can then use that knowledge and skill anytme you want, to just release any mental images that are hurtful.
Thanks for the advice. I have a feeling my next challenge will be seeing them together in public. We were together for 30 years. I am having a difficult time and he is having the time of his life . He moved on day we parted. He is already bringing his new friends to meet members of his family. This really hurts and it just doesn't seem fair.
i know how you feel- you wonder if he is with her, if they are going out and doing the things you used to do with him. but believe me, it's better not to think about it, because it will only succeed in holding you back from moving on and healing.
my ex- has already met the other woman's family and is actively thinking of moving in with her and her parents. believe me, you do not want to think about their relationship.
try to think of it as "Out of Sight, Out of Mind."
it's a good time for you to try something new and concentrate on being the best you that you can be.
When I spoke to my ex the other day , which my therapist and my friends and you guys tell me I should not be doing, he told me it would be nice if when we spoke I would ask him if he was having a goodtime in his life. He then realized that it is a little soon for this. I am very emotional, cry easily etc.. etc... and the doctors I am seeing want me on Effexor. I have tried to start taking it on 2 occasions and both times the experience has been awful. So I will head out to the health store and see if I get get some natural remedy.
WAIT, your ex told you it would be nice for you to ask him if he's having a good time in his life? WTF?? 30 years is a long time to spend with someone. I was compelled to respond because my heart really goes out to you. I am so sorry you have to go through this. I know my heartache probably would seem small in comparison, but I want to share a few things with you that I picked up along the way. It helps me even still to remind myself of them.
Okay, I have to believe in meant to be. Fate. Destiny. All that. For some reason, you were meant to spend 30 years with this man. For some reason, you are not meant to be with him right now. For some reason, he is meant to be spending time with a new woman. And if he is sleeping with a new woman, he is supposed to be sleeping with her. As painful and confusing as these things are, they are meant to be, these things were meant to happen. Somehow saying this to myself, believing it, and truly accepting that it's 'meant to be' and it is therefore out of my control or really even his--all of this has really helped me to accept my situation, to stop fighting against it, and that has in turn helped to alleviate a lot of the pain of losing this man I was/am in love with. It helped to stop the constant "WHY???????"s, and the unending questions and all of the other negative cyclical thoughts that can get stuck in your head. I'm not sure if it will help you, but it might. I know right now it probably seems that everything is wrong, absolutely wrong, but try looking at it from a different angle--try accepting that this moment, this situation is meant to be exactly as it is despite the pain you are feeling.
It might be too soon for this one, I'm not sure, but another thought that has really helped me is--he deserves to be happy. This isn't as selfless as it seems, though. What I mean is: in a relationship, either person has the right to leave. And despite the amount of pain it can cause, that person deserves to go on to find their happiness. If their happiness isn't meant to be with you, then you have to also believe yours isn't meant to be with them! I think this thought helps you to let go, to release them.
I hope you continue to speak with your doctor about your medications and any natural remedies you are trying. This is definitely a time in your life when you need to be taking good care of yourself, and keeping your health providers up to date is a big step towards that.
How indeed. Well, for starters, everytime you start thinking of that you tell yourself out loud, "NO!" Physically shake your head in order to release the image from your mind. It's amazing how effective that is.
You start to fill your mind with other things, such as plans you have for yourself, for your future, for the summer, for a friend, for anything, but start actively focusing on other things.
Also, take a yoga class. You may think it's unrelated to your situation, but you'd be surprised at how relaxed you will learn to be, and can then use that knowledge and skill anytme you want, to just release any mental images that are hurtful.
You can let go of this!
i know how you feel- you wonder if he is with her, if they are going out and doing the things you used to do with him. but believe me, it's better not to think about it, because it will only succeed in holding you back from moving on and healing.
my ex- has already met the other woman's family and is actively thinking of moving in with her and her parents. believe me, you do not want to think about their relationship.
try to think of it as "Out of Sight, Out of Mind."
it's a good time for you to try something new and concentrate on being the best you that you can be.
I am very emotional, cry easily etc.. etc... and the doctors I am seeing want me on Effexor. I have tried to start taking it on 2 occasions and both times the experience has been awful. So I will head out to the health store and see if I get get some natural remedy.
WAIT, your ex told you it would be nice for you to ask him if he's having a good time in his life? WTF??
30 years is a long time to spend with someone. I was compelled to respond because my heart really goes out to you. I am so sorry you have to go through this. I know my heartache probably would seem small in comparison, but I want to share a few things with you that I picked up along the way. It helps me even still to remind myself of them.
Okay, I have to believe in meant to be. Fate. Destiny. All that.
For some reason, you were meant to spend 30 years with this man. For some reason, you are not meant to be with him right now. For some reason, he is meant to be spending time with a new woman. And if he is sleeping with a new woman, he is supposed to be sleeping with her.
As painful and confusing as these things are, they are meant to be, these things were meant to happen. Somehow saying this to myself, believing it, and truly accepting that it's 'meant to be' and it is therefore out of my control or really even his--all of this has really helped me to accept my situation, to stop fighting against it, and that has in turn helped to alleviate a lot of the pain of losing this man I was/am in love with. It helped to stop the constant "WHY???????"s, and the unending questions and all of the other negative cyclical thoughts that can get stuck in your head. I'm not sure if it will help you, but it might. I know right now it probably seems that everything is wrong, absolutely wrong, but try looking at it from a different angle--try accepting that this moment, this situation is meant to be exactly as it is despite the pain you are feeling.
It might be too soon for this one, I'm not sure, but another thought that has really helped me is--he deserves to be happy. This isn't as selfless as it seems, though. What I mean is: in a relationship, either person has the right to leave. And despite the amount of pain it can cause, that person deserves to go on to find their happiness. If their happiness isn't meant to be with you, then you have to also believe yours isn't meant to be with them! I think this thought helps you to let go, to release them.
I hope you continue to speak with your doctor about your medications and any natural remedies you are trying. This is definitely a time in your life when you need to be taking good care of yourself, and keeping your health providers up to date is a big step towards that.