Advice??
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| Tue, 04-26-2005 - 11:31am |
When I last posted it was before I left on a vacation with friends. My ex and I broke NC the night before I left because I called him and we saw eachother. I had sent him a letter as well, partially for closure and mostly just to tell him things I wanted him to know.
Well ... the night we met up was pretty great. It had been about 5 weeks siunce we saw or talked to eachother. Ultimately he said "talk to you when you get back". Now I'm back and not knowing what to do.
Clearly we still love eachother and miss one another. This was apparant from the way he was hugging my hand on our drive that night, and from him saying he was glad I called, etc.
But, we have broken up now 3 times in about a year and a half and I dont really know if I can stir it all up again. I've had some time to deal and have been really good to me. After being away on vacation I feel pretty good and clear, BUT I'm so curious as to whether he got the letter, what he thought about that night, and what he thinks now.
I only wish he weren't so scared of everything and could just get over himself and do what he wants to. Its like he goes through these cycles where he spooks big time, distances and then wants back.
Truth is I dont know if there is much "back" to because things have become so dramatic.
Advice?

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Ofcourse you both still love eachother and miss one another... thats neither surprising or nontypical. however, heres the dilemma - .. two people can love eachother and miss one another all they want - but that doesnt necessarily sum up to two people SHOULD being together. my ex loves me, i know he does and i dont doubt it for one minute; and even though i cannot understand how he is willing to let that go (as you can see through my other posts!) - it clearly shows that just because two people love eachother, doesnt mean it'll work out...
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Not to doubt his feelings for you, or your intuition and understanding of your situation and him .. but, could you possibly be looking too much into it?? i think, the hardest thing for us to do is let go of hope - and the easiest thing for us to do at the same time, is to keep hoping and looking for signs to reaffirm us... if i really wanted to (and i admit, i have) - i can look into every sign possible that my ex has and hasnt thrown at me and say as well, "this was apparent from the way..." ... but truth is, not only could i be absolutely wrong, but most importantly it DOESNT matter what it means at all...
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3 times in 1.5 years equals to a breakup every six months... does that sound healthy to you? do you really want to risk being hurt all over again six months from now?? shouldnt the first three times have taught you a lesson?? think of it this way: if a friend of mine kept coming to me crying every six months because her bf brokeup with her, and then a few weeks after - she goes back .. by the fourth time, im really not going to take her seriously... wouldnt you feel the same??
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how good and clear do you really feel if youre still so dependent on what HE thinks? maybe you only feel refreshed by your trip because you were comforted knowing that he *still* cares?? how is this situation about YOU when its still about HIM?
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you know what? - "IF ONLY" - is a HUGE statement... "if only i was rich," "if only i was taller," "if only he loved me," "if only he didnt have sex with someone else".. heres the kicker - "if only" doesnt change "it is." my ex and i broke up because he too has emotional issues... and my dear lord, i can see stretches and miles of my future with him IF ONLY he got over them... but he hasnt, he isnt - and my situation remains... at some point, we gotta learn that we cant change them...and youd think that after three times, youd realize that?? yes, hes scared and cant get overhimself; yes, you guys would be sooo great if he stops getting spooked...but heres the thing, he IS scared, and CONTINUES to go through his cycles...and because of that, you two ARENT so great.
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you're right. sometimes, "enough is enough." thats how i felt about a previous ex of mine... i kept going back and back and hoping for more and more and kept willing to risk it all over again and again .. there came to be a point though, where i was like "THATS IT. ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. YOU can be STUPID all YOU want, but IM having NO part of it ANYMORE." - and after that, it was the most liberating thing in the world depsite how much i still cared for him and missed him...
now, i hope i havent sounded too harsh in this thread - and i sincerely apologize if i have. im not trying to "down" ya - or discourage you - or undermine you either...just trying to give you an objective point of view. its hard to hear, i bet - but sometimes you need it?? at the same time, from an optimistic point of view - "some things are worth fighting for" ??
just a few cents for you...
hugs,
eeksj
I agree, I really do and what you said was smart and reasonable.
My only real "wish" is not to have to revert back to a place I have to crawl out of again so after work today I'm going for a nice run and then to clean my room, do groceries, etc.
I must keep my mind off of the "what now". That being, what now since I wrote him my letter and saw him that night.
He DID say, "talk to you when you return from vacation." I dont know if that means I am supposed to call him or him to call me. Either way I guess if he wanted to be clear of that assertion, he would contact me.
THIS IS WHY NO CONTACT IS VITAL. It takes just the ONE time to fog things up into grey-man's-land.
Love is a Beast,
-isa