Advice?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2004
Advice?
3
Mon, 03-28-2005 - 1:35pm

We just broke up after about a year and a half. This was our 3rd and final break-up and now the first time we have not seen or spoken for almost 3 weeks.

I feel renewed and strong and I know this is for the very best. We had a very dysfunctional relationship and I allowed myself to be repeatedly used and dis-respected.

HOWEVER, we do live around the block from eachother and now I am finding myself a little depressed, I guess alone in a way.

I WANT to go out and meet other people, but dont really have anyone to do this with. Is it ok to go out alone after work and just peruse ? I live in a great little bar town where I know people are pretty much always out and about.

See everything else is fallng together wonderfully. I have been exercising like a bandit and enjoying my new home I recently moved into, but I really haven't been out and about in a long, long time.

I think I am in the final stage of grief - I know he is totally and untterly wrong for me but I am again, now angry at letting myself go back to him this last time. I am angry that I "fell" for his line of crap. Ultimately I do feel a sense of relief and am excited to see what comes next, and I totally feel I NEED to date someone to get a little integrity back.

For the first time, since any one of our three breakups, I KNOW this is the best thing ever and I KNOW I will not call him or pick up the phone if, and when, he does call. Ok, on that last one I'm not too sure, but I KNOW there will never be an "us" ever ever ever again.

Anyone gone through this and have words of optimistic advice?

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: isadimple
Mon, 03-28-2005 - 4:26pm

Good for you, it sounds like you're doing much better!

3 weeks, though, after a 1.5 year r'ship, seems very soon to me to be out meeting people to date (if that's what you're talking about). Right now, I'd focus on your friendships...so if you want to go out with your friends and it happens to be to bars, go ahead...just don't make it for the primary purpose of meeting men (focus on spending time with your friends).

And if you don't have friends who enjoy going out, then I'd suggest signing up for a group activity doing something you enjoy where you might meet some new people (as opposed to just hanging out in a bar).

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2004
In reply to: isadimple
Mon, 03-28-2005 - 9:27pm
Congratulations!!
Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2004
In reply to: isadimple
Tue, 03-29-2005 - 9:52am

Thanks. I really think I am ready to date.

3 weeks may sound like a short time, but I've probably experienced all the emotions of a breakup 2 times already. This time its right and finally I want to meet the guy for me, AND he, "him", the ex is soooo not. Unfortunately it took me about 6 months to figure tat out through and through.

So I talked to my housemate and best friend and although she is in her own serious relaionship, she said she would go out with me around once a week to scope out the prospects. That made me feel better.

My other friend wants me to look into getting involved in a summer share nearby because he says its a great way to meet people. I'm skeptical of doing this alone but must admitt I'm considering it. At the least I'll look into it. HEY, I'm almost 28 and times a ticking.

I am so ready to settle down and sick of dating and dating. Before my ex, I was known as the queen dater. I just can't bear to go back to that again. However its about 1.5 years later so maybe this time I'll get it right.

To all those out there who are paining, aching, feeling desparate, and just out of your minds ==> It will get better, just as soon as you can let it all go. Just let it go because its better to be with someone who wants you, adores you, and who you know would be heartbroken without you!

-isa