Advice and Wisdom Desperately Needed..
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Advice and Wisdom Desperately Needed..
| Wed, 02-21-2007 - 10:53am |
Thanks, everyone!
Edited 2/21/2007 10:50 pm ET by silverlining48
Edited 2/21/2007 10:50 pm ET by silverlining48

Seems more like a control issue to me. You are still trying to control him, even what he sees online, when he clearly wants you out of his life totally, at least at this point. I have never heard of a friendship called a consolation prize.
All those issues you raise which you say interfered with your relationship, hormone imbalance, loss of family members, work and school pressures, those things exist in most people lives and they learn to have relationships at the same time. Sure those things cause stresses that you have to learn to deal with and they take a certain level of maturity, but in a committed relationship the parties deal with those issues and stay together. As they say, it's not always a bed of roses! These things may just be things you are using to give excuses for a relationship that was not meant to be, anyway.
I think you should move on and allow him to do so also. It seems to me you all are not ready for a friendship.
Hi silverlining48....
::Should I just cut my losses and continue to accept he is no longer in my life? Do I need to apologize? I feel like maybe enough time has passed, but what should I do?
::So in August when I return I send him an email apologizing for being so rude and I agree we should just be friends plus the fact that I've been havingn some medical issues with that hormonal balance. He never responded and 3.5 weeks later I IM him and he says he never wants to talk to me again. What the heck??
You already apologized. Let it go.
::We broke up around August 2005 and he had been pretty much been lying to me about dating this new girl. Yet, at the same time, I was trying to focus on myself and I wasn't exactly giving him all of myself. ::
sweetie, he cheated on you. how is that your fault ??? no matter what you do, cheating is not the answer. like one of the previous posts mentioned, there are always going to be problems in our lives. but that does NOT mean someone walks away from us.
tomorrow, if i gain 40 pounds, or get fired - do i think its a valid reason for a significant other to cheat on me?? no , it's not!! that's what a relationship is, to be together throught thick and thin. well, almost.
i've been throught this. where i convinced myelf it was ALL my fault, and that if i said sorry or "changed" he would come back to me. so while he cheated on me, i apologised for "past crimes". now 3 months NC, i see how ABSURD that is. here is someone violating the most basic thing in a relationship, and everytime i yell at him for it i feel guilty and feel i deserve to be cheated on. it's sick in a way.
listen shake yourself out of this. no amount of apologising is going to change his mind.
along with you, he definitely seems to have control issues as well. he wants to know what you are upto. he doesn't hear from you 6 weeks, he posts "i miss you" to get a reaction from you. once, he's got it, once you've "contacted" he loses interest. he KNOWS you are still hung up.
**read the article you posted here**
what i would suggest is stay away. don't give him any more power over you. every single day NC bcomes easier. well, right now my ex is in another country. i've blocked him. he had sent a message at one point saying " why do you have to be online ignoring me? who don't you just block me instead" i promptly did. nobody can treat me like this. and if they do, they don't deserve to be my friend. i loved with everything i had, i should NOT have been treated like this.
FEEL the indignation. the ANGER at what happened. at one point you'll be so angry, you won't want to have ANYTHING to do with him. all these stages of denial, self-blame,anger,sadness are normal. i've gone through them myself and seen many ppl go through them on these boards. good luck with your healing process. i'm sure you'll do fine.
I just want to let you know...cut him off!! he is so playing games with you...I kinda went thru same thing with medical issues with the ex..the thing is part of one of the medical issue was on him..i got pregnant..had a bad misscarraige that put me out for a few months due to complications...i was not myself during that time..depressed, moody..fighting with him...he broke up with me at new years..he said it was my fault..i had changed!! I was mean to him..I was so emotional i didnt open up!!! Well..so sorry i had some medical stuff going on..jerks!!!
I begged for him to take me back a few days after he dumped me...i told him i would change..i was feeling better..i was going to be healthy again....no no no..he did not care..I apologized for being sick and not myself!! just like you...that was 8 weeks ago..after that call i never contacted him again..nor did he!!
now i am still depressed but i am starting to be angry at that jerk...its not my fault..if someone truly cares about you then they will stick by you..not bail when the going gets rough...he did and so did your guy..I am finally accepting..gosh..what a future with him...if something wasnt perfect eventually he would have left...better sooner than later...... i always thought, how could it be that easy to let go..cause they just dont care that much..if they did..they would want to work it out....dont contact him..let him wonder what you are doing and up to..let him wonder if you miss him..let him wonder..............